How to Be a Minimalist with Kids

Post written by Leo Babauta. Follow me on Twitter.

As you might know, I consider myself a minimalist — at least, as much as you can be with kids.

Kids are almost antithetical to minimalism: having them brings new resource consumers into the world, not to mention how much clutter and chaos and complications that come with even just one kid.

But as we parents know, they’re worth it.

Kids bring complexity and clutter, but they also bring to parents joy, simple pleasures, an infinite amount of contentment without needing material goods.

As a minimalist, I enjoy uncluttered spaces, beautifully simple things, experiences over material things, living with and doing less rather than being obsessed with more, and finding contentment.

As a parent, I enjoy the messiness of kids, their chaotic way of living, even their loudness and crabbiness — in addition to how sweet, cute, beautiful and fun they can be.

So how do we reconcile the two? It takes a little bit of balancing and the right attitude. Here’s how.

1. A relaxed attitude, and patience. Minimalism is counter-productive if you become obsessive, and become a clutter-Nazi. We become minimalist so we can remove the extraneous, and focus only on the important. The kids are what’s important — not the lack of clutter, or having the simplest lifestyle. Always remember that. And then, breathe. Relax. Let go of your frustrations, your expectations, your desires for perfection, and instead adopt a minimalist attitude: of going with the flow, of living in the moment, of enjoying your kids and experiences rather than things. Being a parent can be frustrating, if you let it, or it can be fun, if you learn patience and adopt this relaxed attitude.

2. Don’t schedule too much! Any minimalist should adopt a minimalist schedule: put too much on your calendar and you’ll be stressed and rushed. The same applies to your kids’ calendars, and your family’s calendar in general. Keep a family calendar with everyone’s schedule — Google Docs is good for this, but a wall calendar also works well. This way you can see what everyone has coming up for the week (and month). But avoid filling it up — try to leave as many empty spaces as possible, so you can relax and enjoy each day, rather than rushing around. Don’t let your kids join too many clubs or sports or activities — this is a mistake many parents make these days. This leaves the kids with no downtime — they need it as much as you do. Sometimes it’s good for them to go outside, use their imagination, get some fresh air, and do nothing planned.

3. Enjoy the simple pleasures. Slow down, take some time to just be with your kids (and your significant other), and enjoy those little moments. You don’t have to do anything — simply going outside and enjoying nature, reading a book on the couch, or just lounging around together, can be amazing. Bake some cookies. Look for bugs. Do a simple science experiment. Wrestle. These things don’t have to cost a lot of money or be a big deal — but they really are a big deal. Enjoy them.

4. Do a group decluttering. While giving up possessions can be traumatic for kids (and adults), decluttering as a family can actually be fun. Make it a game — haul everything out, sort into piles (things you’ve used in the last year, things you haven’t), put into boxes, and go and donate boxes together. It’s actually really fun for kids to rediscover old toys. If they can’t bear to get rid of them, put them in boxes and rotate the toys every few months — then it’s, “Hey, new toys!” every time you open up a box.

5. Focus on quality toys, not quantity. Most kids have way too many toys. For their birthdays and Christmas, they get craploads of crap. Instead, focus on good quality toys, made of durable materials (like real wood) that will last, things they’ll use and love and cherish for years. Classics usually work best. Fewer but higher quality items in general is a good policy.

6. Teach them good habits, and set an example. The habits you teach them now will last a lifetime. Teach your children to put things away when they’re done with them, to declutter, to buy less, to do less but to focus on what’s important, to focus and to be happy now. Talking about these things helps — but the best way to teach is by example. Don’t force them, but show them. Your example will go a long way.

7. You don’t need to carry everything. Travel lightly — both on long trips and short errands. Many parents tend to take every possible thing they might need, just to feel prepared, but this security is an illusion. Carry few things and you’ll be less stressed, feel lighter, and freer. Take only what you truly need, not what you might use.

8. When things go wrong, breathe, and smile. And things will go wrong. It’s inevitable — so accept it, breathe, smile, and move on. Or in another light, nothing goes wrong — it’s all part of the adventure of being a parent, the adventure of life. Each moment, each child and each life is perfect, as it is, messiness and all.

9. Don’t force. Minimalism is best when you let it happen gradually and naturally — especially when it comes to kids and other loved ones. You can’t force a philosophy on others, kids included. You have to influence, by (again) setting an example, showing why and how it’s important to you, letting them adapt and adjust. Things like this take time. Don’t force it, but let it unfold. If a kid doesn’t want to declutter his room, don’t force it.

10. Simple school papers and artwork. Other than toys and clothes and other possessions, one of the biggest sources of kid clutter is school papers (homework, report cards, notices from school, other papers they bring home) and artwork or other things they’ve created (at home or school). I’ve let these pile up in the past, and trust me, if you have a lot of kids you can end up with piles and piles. A simple system will help bring these papers under control. First, have one place for all incoming papers, and process them daily — weekly is also fine but daily ensures nothing piles up. For school papers, take immediate action: sign papers, put dates on your family calendar, scan things you want on record (perhaps report cards), then toss everything. For artwork, have a place you display a few pieces at a time, such as a bulletin board or your refrigerator (5-10 pieces is good). When new things come up, put them on the board or fridge, and get rid of the old stuff (scan them if you want the memory).

And again, remember that getting rid of clutter and simplifying what you do is a means to an end: the space and ability to relax with your family and enjoy the simple pleasures of being with them. Go, and be happy.

For more on minimalism, see my blog mnmlist.com, or check out my ebook: The Simple Guide to a Minimalist Life.

107 Responses to “How to Be a Minimalist with Kids”

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  1. Leo, this could very well be my parenting manifesto! You speak precisely to so many ideas and philosophies about parenting that I embrace and seek to practice daily.

    #2 stood out in particular for me. Our four year old is in Pre-K this year, and the temptation to fill her after-school time with all kinds of lessons and sports is there already! My husband and I are seeking to razor-sharp with intentional thought in what she is involved in after school – and more importantly, what she is NOT spending her time on when the school day ends. At this point, that means no lessons or sports. We just treasure the downtime after school too much to invite more into our lives. We know it won’t always be this way, but it works for us for now.

    I can’t think of a single thing to add to these thoughts. Breathing, smiling, and focusing on the Big Picture brings welcome clarity in the midst of the daily-ness of parenting. Powerful stuff here – thanks for writing it up so beautifully.

  2. Thanks Leo—

    I do not have kids right now, but I do have a niece and my sister is a single mother. I have learned that spending TIME with my niece is the most important thing. Every gift I have given her has either been destroyed or forgotten in no time at all.

    I remember as a kid just enjoying the adventure that comes with being a kid. That adventure was so much more fun with friends and family and helped me develop a sense of independence and interest.

    My parents weren’t able to provide too much in the lavish department, but I never knew the difference. Unknowingly I became a minimalist as a young kid. Thankfully, I have returned to such lifestyle.

    Lastly, I try to implement the simple pleasures in not only my niece’s life, but also my life. I believe they are what we really remember in the long run. I wrote an article on my views of the simple pleasures over at The Minimalist Path. I hope you enjoy it if you get the chance: http://theminimalistpath.com/2009/10/simple-pleasures/

    Thanks again for providing great family info Leo.

    Dave
    The Minimalist Path & LifeExcursion

  3. Leo,

    This is great. I’ve been trying to de-clutter my own life and have been following your mnmlist blog closely. I’m glad to have some similar advice about how to accomplish the same thing for my family.

  4. Patrick Neef says:

    Great read!

    I have a three month old son, and me and my girlfriend we talk a lot about future plans, things we wanna do together etc.
    Your analysis is spot on, because today, most parents tend to overload their children with too much activities and hobbies. It’ like a competition between parents. They tend to lose the ability to simply play, because they are racing from school to yoga class, then to pianlo lessons etc. My son will play around in nature, sometimes unobserved, will eat sand, get stung by bees or gets beaten up by other kids. Okay, well the last thing is not necessarily a “must” ;)

    I especially liked point 2, 3 and 5. Wish the headline would have been a little more concrete, sounded strange at first.

    Thanks for all the info!

    Patrick

  5. Patrick Neef says:

    As an addition to my comment: This was actually my assignment from the “31 Days to Build a Better Blog” Workbook, Day 5: To leave a (helpful) comment on a much better and more famous blog. Since my remark about the headline could have sound a bit too rigorous, I just wanted to tell you, this was just meant as helpful feedback. Hope that helps.

  6. Jill says:

    These are all fabulous points. Paper clutter from school is my #2 stressor right now. I have a big family and this post really helped me see that I try to force minimalism on my family. Thanks for helping me see that I just need to relax.

    Now for my #1 stressor. Got any ideas on how to make homework time more zen? :)

  7. Julia Janzen says:

    Great article! My husband and I just attended a Waldorf School information meeting and what you have said goes right along with some of their philosophies. It was amazing how just simply having the tv off de-cluttered our lives and spirits. They took it one step further with kids by not bombarding kids with images of movies like Cinderella because then they get the picture in their heads as to what that looks like instead of using their imaginations. Before I think I would of thought that being a minimalist meant cold, unemotional, surgical room environments. But today I look at it a little differently. It’s about living more simply and freeing yourself up from the attachments to “things” so that your attachments to people (like your family and kids) can be more fully developed. I am so grateful that people like you take the time to write such thought provoking articles! Thanks!

  8. Jessica says:

    Numbers 1 and 8 spoke to me in particular. I believe that kids can pick up the stress and anxiety of adults, so being calm, relaxed parents can result in having calm, relaxed kids.

  9. Neal says:

    #5 really stood out for me.

    My eldest daughter is 22. We both still remember the first toy I bought her – it was a silver Porche toy car. It cost me about $4. I got it for her when she was 3.

    We remember it so well because I had absolutely no money at the time. I honestly spent an hour at the store trying to decide which would be the best toy for the money with my limited amount.

    We played with that car together for hours over the next several years.

    She still has that toy car.

    I believe in only buying stuff that is meaningful for my children. My wife is very different on this score but I rarely buy presents because when I do, I want it to have the same meaning as that little toy car.

  10. I have two kids with another expected at the end of October. I can certainly relate to how the school work and other papers can pile up. My 9-year-old daughter has 3 large boxes in her room full of artwork she has done over the years (not to mention the various works posted all over the house!). Thank you for posting these tips. I only wish I started taking control of the influx years ago.

    I’m very much interested in the minimalist way of life. However, my wife and family are not. This post along with the many helpful ones on zenhabits and mnmlist have really helped me set a good example for them so we can gradually shift our life of chaos, to one that is more simple and happy.

    I started a year ago and things have been slowly improving ever since. Thanks again Leo!

  11. Ami says:

    Good post, as always Leo. I liked #5 relating to gift giving. On a related note, I think giving “experiences” rather than things is a great way to spend more time together without adding to the clutter.

    As to Jill’s comment on making homework time more zen – this is an area we struggle with as well. I don’t know if you can make homework time “zen” (especially when the child struggling with homework is a “drama king” :)). But maybe you can make it more routine and undramatic by (1) creating an uncluttered, quiet, safe space for homework (my son has a nook where we’ve placed his desk – but he also uses the very quiet and rarely dined-in dining room), (2) eliminating other distractions like tv and video games (and noisy siblings), (3) providing a healthy snack before starting (low sugar = low energy and lots of complaining) and (4) setting the expectation that he will accomplish X homework before dinner, reward, or play. My son hates to be left out of family games, so sometimes that works as an incentive for him to get his work done! I’m also thinking about experimenting with each child having a clipboard with a checklist that they can go through on their own and when they complete their list, they get points toward an end-of-week award (yes, we do rely on bribes).

    Looking forward to more zen parenting tips!

  12. I have two girls, five and eight. Its all the artwork that is created that is causing problems. My friends suggestion was the following-take photos and than junk the artwork. Also get the kids to hold the artwork and try to get them in the photo so its a good time stamp.

  13. Leo,

    I like your tip to not schedule too many activities. I hear other parents talking about how each week they have to usher their kids to ballet, soccer, piano, gymnastics, and on and on. I’ve limited my son to 2 extracurricular activities at any given time. I find that to be more than enough (for both of us!).

    I also agree with your take on toys. Kids accumulate so many things they rarely even play with. Better to stick with the tried-tested-and-true items that never become boring.

    Thanks!

  14. #6 is so true.

    I’ll never forget the day Little Girl and I were cleaning her room. She picked up an object and said, “Do I love it, need it or use it? No.” So it went into the donation pile.

    I nearly cried tears of joy and pride.

  15. Naima says:

    Setting an example (no 6) for me is by far the most critical. “Do as I say, not as I do” simply doesn’t work. Children love to model their parents, and it is this fact that has been my most significant motivation to lead a clean and decluttered lifestyle.

    We’ve also made a rule of pursuing a maximum of 2 activities each term (No 2), and let them choose which ones. I tell them “being a kid” is a 3-times a week plus weekends activity :)

    As for toys, we let them keep one or two birthday gifts, put away the rest, and take them out one at time each month. They last all year!

    Great list.

  16. How to be a minimalist with kids = have all boys

  17. frogcreekwoods says:

    The best money I ever spent on toys was the Thomas the Tank Engine set and a train table. We bought them when DS was 2 and added bit by bit every year. The kids played with them on and off, and a couple of years ago I packed them up and put them away. This summer (the kids are now 11 and 9 ) they pulled them out again, and believe it or not played with them for days and days. They enjoyed making up new tracks and new stories with them. The stories are obviously a lot different than they were years ago, but it was still quality creative time.

    Ditto with Playmobil. Just love Playmobil. They are SO worth the extra money for quality toys.

    The creative, quality toys have been the best for us. We have very few toys in our house that require batteries (another mnml plus!).

    Gonna love this blog!

  18. Some great advice here. I particularly concur with #3 simple pleasures. Right now my son loves playing with the autumn leaves in the park. I guess he likes the different colours and the crunchy texture. He’ll happily sit there scrunching them and breaking them up into small pieces (he’s 10 months). I love watching him so engrossed in these simple yet fun experiences.

  19. I love this post. I especially like the tips on the school paper. That is something that I find piles up so quickly for everyone. Scanning report cards and artwork is a great idea!

  20. Greg says:

    #5 So true – these days we are bombarded with so many cheap toys! some good tips here.

  21. Heidi says:

    Art work gets posted on the pantry doors until it needs weeding. Then I put a few things into a portfolio (homemade/not expensive/not fancy). Whenever the kids notice that the door has been cleaned off, we pull out the portfolios and they take a tour through their history. Fun, rewarding, and they don’t notice what isn’t there…..

  22. Even though I don’t have kids I love to read your posts Leo – I think it helps me prepare psychologically since I strive for minimalism myself and therefore am very worried. I would love to hear what you would have liked to known before you started having kids?

  23. tricia says:

    Hi Leo,

    If I’m not mistaken you went on a trip to Japan with your kids and blogged about it. I’m having trouble finding it on your current Zen Habits site. I hope it’s still available to read? I’m looking also for information on affordable vacation rentals in tokyo and kyoto (three adults and one three-year-old). Any info from you or your reader would be much appreciated.

    Thanks!
    Tricia

  24. I especially like the point about toys – and could probably stretch it to other things such as clothes etc.. They grow so fast that having a full wardrobe for them is crazy clutter.

    I guess many of us parents have noticed that young children especially often get more fun out of the packaging toys come in than in the toys themselves!

  25. Kimh says:

    My best childhood memory was when my aunt told bed time stories to all 15 of us kids..cousins…all lying in the same room. Money spent on us zero, memories…priceless. It’s the little simple acts of love not the toys that we remember for life.

  26. Visty says:

    I think “craploads of crap” pretty much exemplifies Christmas to me. Still trying to pass the message of substantial playthings to the grandparents. Ugh, is it October already??

  27. Patrice says:

    Excellent post about minimalism. I like your idea to “Enjoy the simple pleasures”.

  28. Jennifer says:

    Love the article.. I think the “nazi” term gets way over used and way too lightly… something we all need to think about… otherwise would suggest this to parent friends….

  29. Patrick says:

    Nice stuff here. Speaking of #4 – we’ve turned “Black Friday” (the day after Thanksgiving when everyone in the US goes shopping) into our family’s annual “Giveaway Friday” – we take a carload of clothes, toys, etc… to the Salvation Army and all of us (parents, 6 yr old, 4 yr old, baby) feel so good about it! Plus it teaches the kids a GREAT lesson about helping others less fortunate.

  30. G Throne says:

    Simplify, Simplify, Simplify! Now I just have to get the kids into the idea of Thoreauvian
    simplicity.

  31. wendy caudill says:

    I image someone is snooping around my house sizing me up on what they find…And ask myself is that what says something about me????picture your on a game show and you win on having the coolest place….Well it helps me and if’s there’s anyone out there like me it will work for you too….try it!!!remember your closest,medicine cabinets,under your bed,in your drawers,is there dust,what kind of perfume???etc….

  32. I love this Wendy! It’s a different way to go about it that’s for sure. I’m going to give it a try thank you so much! How fun. :)

  33. ZH Fan says:

    Finally I found a way to communicate with you (Leo) without joining twitter. as part of my minimalist step, I have stopped joining any new site, until I have a great need for that. I just wanted to thank you for helping me with your posts about everything. I just wrote a small posting to convey my thanks to you at the site below. I am not a blogger or writer who wants publicity, just want you to check it. Thanks very much.
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  34. Karen says:

    Oh, the paper. THE PAPER! We’re still drowning in paper, despite canceling our subscriptions, joining the “do not mail list” and signing up for e-billing. I had no idea how much paper school requires. We’ve recently begun shredding the majority of our kids’ school work, after oohing and aahing appropriately, and then dumping it in the composter with the grass clippings and kitchen scraps.

    Toys are another issue. With the only grandchildren on both sides of the family, you can imagine what holidays are like. Fortunately, I didn’t have to say a thing. My oldest, who is an aspiring minimalist, took it upon herself to talk to her grandparents about limiting gifts. I was so proud!

    For activities, we allow each child to participate in one seasonal and one long-term activity, and we try very hard to make sure that meetings are local enough that our children can get there themselves by foot or bike. For one child, it’s sports and Scouts. For the other, it’s sports and music. That limits the chaos.

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