Comments on: 5 Parents Share Their Thoughts On How To Deal With Tantrums http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/2009/11/5-parents-share-their-thoughts-on-how-to-deal-with-tantrums/ Simple Happiness Fri, 30 Jul 2010 23:44:29 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Suzanne http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/2009/11/5-parents-share-their-thoughts-on-how-to-deal-with-tantrums/#comment-528 Suzanne Sun, 15 Nov 2009 03:38:41 +0000 http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/?p=380#comment-528 I wholeheartedly agree with everything expressed so far. Consistency and patience most especially. There has to be someone in control of the situation during that time and, maybe unfortunately for us, we don't get to be the ones losing our mind during that time! Our little ones deserve to have a compassionate leader who guides them during the time when they are learning and growing up. The only addition I can add is more of a preemptive measure. I believe that children should be allowed to exercise the power of their own choice, when we can let them. They have a right to control their circumstances and not always be following someone else's plan. Even if there is no terrific choice amongst the offerings, I've found that children will eventually choose something. And, since children are eager to please in general, they will be more willing once they have been allowed to create their own "buy-in" by having a choice/say in the matter. I wholeheartedly agree with everything expressed so far. Consistency and patience most especially. There has to be someone in control of the situation during that time and, maybe unfortunately for us, we don’t get to be the ones losing our mind during that time! Our little ones deserve to have a compassionate leader who guides them during the time when they are learning and growing up.

The only addition I can add is more of a preemptive measure. I believe that children should be allowed to exercise the power of their own choice, when we can let them. They have a right to control their circumstances and not always be following someone else’s plan. Even if there is no terrific choice amongst the offerings, I’ve found that children will eventually choose something. And, since children are eager to please in general, they will be more willing once they have been allowed to create their own “buy-in” by having a choice/say in the matter.

]]> By: Sherri Kruger http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/2009/11/5-parents-share-their-thoughts-on-how-to-deal-with-tantrums/#comment-505 Sherri Kruger Wed, 11 Nov 2009 13:33:58 +0000 http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/?p=380#comment-505 Thank you for all your great comments and additional input. It makes me happy to know you all liked it so much. I love getting advice from *real* parents. I hope to do this again for other tricky parenting issues. Thanks again! :) Thank you for all your great comments and additional input. It makes me happy to know you all liked it so much. I love getting advice from *real* parents. I hope to do this again for other tricky parenting issues. Thanks again! :)

]]> By: Aly B - DiscoMaulvi http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/2009/11/5-parents-share-their-thoughts-on-how-to-deal-with-tantrums/#comment-493 Aly B - DiscoMaulvi Tue, 10 Nov 2009 16:41:10 +0000 http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/?p=380#comment-493 Great Post Sherri.... extremely useful advice from some authors that I am going to start following!! Keep up the great work! -Aly http://discomaulvi.wordpress.com/ http://www.twitter.com/DiscoMaulvi Great Post Sherri…. extremely useful advice from some authors that I am going to start following!! Keep up the great work!

-Aly

http://discomaulvi.wordpress.com/
http://www.twitter.com/DiscoMaulvi

]]> By: Chris http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/2009/11/5-parents-share-their-thoughts-on-how-to-deal-with-tantrums/#comment-482 Chris Tue, 10 Nov 2009 11:06:43 +0000 http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/?p=380#comment-482 Thanks for the ideas and the mindset behind them - this is about helping children grow up with a sense of self-control, as well as getting through the tough moment in the produce section. Another idea to head off tantrums: teach your children what is expected of them in various situations and them remind them and rehearse each time you approach that situation. For example, "Remember Susie, we are going to the grocery store to get healthy foos for our dinner. We are not going to get candy here." It also helps to make a part of the routine feel like a special privilege: "You may hand our coupons to the cashier when we check out." Then praise, praise praise the child for helping and behaving well. Thanks for the ideas and the mindset behind them – this is about helping children grow up with a sense of self-control, as well as getting through the tough moment in the produce section. Another idea to head off tantrums: teach your children what is expected of them in various situations and them remind them and rehearse each time you approach that situation. For example, “Remember Susie, we are going to the grocery store to get healthy foos for our dinner. We are not going to get candy here.” It also helps to make a part of the routine feel like a special privilege: “You may hand our coupons to the cashier when we check out.” Then praise, praise praise the child for helping and behaving well.

]]> By: Susie http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/2009/11/5-parents-share-their-thoughts-on-how-to-deal-with-tantrums/#comment-481 Susie Tue, 10 Nov 2009 09:33:19 +0000 http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/?p=380#comment-481 Wish I had had all this advice when my kids were younger! Even though they are now 8 & 6, this article still holds very true now. The battles are just different, but dealing with them requires the same approach. Wish I had had all this advice when my kids were younger! Even though they are now 8 & 6, this article still holds very true now. The battles are just different, but dealing with them requires the same approach.

]]> By: Miche - Serenity Hacker http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/2009/11/5-parents-share-their-thoughts-on-how-to-deal-with-tantrums/#comment-480 Miche - Serenity Hacker Mon, 09 Nov 2009 23:46:44 +0000 http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/?p=380#comment-480 What a great article and a nice surprise to see many of my favorite bloggers contributing to this! One of the things I often thought during times of tantrums was to ask myself "What's the worst thing that can happen?" So, someone in the store is making judgements about me, so I have to bring my child outside the theater or pull the car over until she stops so I can drive in peace, and I might be late. So? Is that really so bad? It's the desire to stop it, the embarrassment of being judged, and the lack of control that we feel as parents, (helpless), that often makes it so difficult when kids have tantrums. But when I could let go of all that, breathe deeply, and just be in the moment with the tantrum, forgetting how I wished it wasn't happening or how this was messing up my plan, that sort of diffused it all... and helped me keep my sanity! :) What a great article and a nice surprise to see many of my favorite bloggers contributing to this! One of the things I often thought during times of tantrums was to ask myself “What’s the worst thing that can happen?” So, someone in the store is making judgements about me, so I have to bring my child outside the theater or pull the car over until she stops so I can drive in peace, and I might be late. So? Is that really so bad? It’s the desire to stop it, the embarrassment of being judged, and the lack of control that we feel as parents, (helpless), that often makes it so difficult when kids have tantrums. But when I could let go of all that, breathe deeply, and just be in the moment with the tantrum, forgetting how I wished it wasn’t happening or how this was messing up my plan, that sort of diffused it all… and helped me keep my sanity! :)

]]> By: Ami | 40daystochange http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/2009/11/5-parents-share-their-thoughts-on-how-to-deal-with-tantrums/#comment-479 Ami | 40daystochange Mon, 09 Nov 2009 22:19:17 +0000 http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/?p=380#comment-479 Some great suggestions and themes here, thanks for the post. I would add a suggestion: try distraction! Sometimes pointing out something interesting or startling or exciting, or starting a story with siblings or moving in a completely different direction can get the child's mind off his/her outrage. Of course, use all the other techniques to make it stick - distraction only works for so long if the child is really hungry! Some great suggestions and themes here, thanks for the post. I would add a suggestion: try distraction! Sometimes pointing out something interesting or startling or exciting, or starting a story with siblings or moving in a completely different direction can get the child’s mind off his/her outrage. Of course, use all the other techniques to make it stick – distraction only works for so long if the child is really hungry!

]]> By: Mummy Zen http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/2009/11/5-parents-share-their-thoughts-on-how-to-deal-with-tantrums/#comment-478 Mummy Zen Mon, 09 Nov 2009 20:42:57 +0000 http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/?p=380#comment-478 Wow, what a helpful and interesting post! Some really good advice there that I will take on board. Friends of ours taught their son the word 'help' early on and encouraged him to shout 'help' when he was in a frustrating situation. It meant they would go to him and figure out what he needed or was struggling with and could avert tantrums that way. It's something that really seems to have worked well for them and their son. Wow, what a helpful and interesting post! Some really good advice there that I will take on board.

Friends of ours taught their son the word ‘help’ early on and encouraged him to shout ‘help’ when he was in a frustrating situation. It meant they would go to him and figure out what he needed or was struggling with and could avert tantrums that way. It’s something that really seems to have worked well for them and their son.

]]> By: Jay Schryer http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/2009/11/5-parents-share-their-thoughts-on-how-to-deal-with-tantrums/#comment-477 Jay Schryer Mon, 09 Nov 2009 19:36:28 +0000 http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/?p=380#comment-477 Although I had great results with my methods, I just have to say that if I were going to do it again, I think Ian's way speaks to me the most. I like the thought that tantrums come from a communication frustrations, and that if you can slow down, calm yourself, and address the issue, you can "nip it in the bud" like my good friend Barney Fife used to say ;) Peaceful, calm, reaching an understanding...that's what I love about Ian...and his parenting style is a reflection of that. Although I had great results with my methods, I just have to say that if I were going to do it again, I think Ian’s way speaks to me the most. I like the thought that tantrums come from a communication frustrations, and that if you can slow down, calm yourself, and address the issue, you can “nip it in the bud” like my good friend Barney Fife used to say ;) Peaceful, calm, reaching an understanding…that’s what I love about Ian…and his parenting style is a reflection of that.

]]> By: Ian | Quantum Learning http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/2009/11/5-parents-share-their-thoughts-on-how-to-deal-with-tantrums/#comment-476 Ian | Quantum Learning Mon, 09 Nov 2009 15:45:26 +0000 http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/?p=380#comment-476 I love how you've put this together, Sherri, and I'm really grateful you asked me to take part. About an hour after sending you my contribution to the article I had a chance to test my approach as my middle daughter had a major tantrum on the busy street - laying down, screaming, throwing things. It was the first in a very long time and boy, was I glad I'd just written my advice about how to deal with it! I think you've collected somegreat tips here! I love how you’ve put this together, Sherri, and I’m really grateful you asked me to take part.

About an hour after sending you my contribution to the article I had a chance to test my approach as my middle daughter had a major tantrum on the busy street – laying down, screaming, throwing things. It was the first in a very long time and boy, was I glad I’d just written my advice about how to deal with it!

I think you’ve collected somegreat tips here!

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