Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Melissa Gorzelanczyk of Peace & Projects.

There is something all stepparents have to face.

It’s this: You don’t really belong.

Everyone else has been there first, leaving you the odd woman out.

In the beginning, you’re faced with the option of marrying your lover – the person you can’t live without – and it feels so right. Magical even.

And it can be – but like most fairy-tales, dragons often plague the road to magical places.

In this fairytale, those dragons are actually your adorable, new stepchildren. OK, maybe “dragons” is a bit harsh, but bear with me. As a stepparent, I promise there will be days the kids seem like they are breathing fire and smoke. You will question if you belong and wonder where you fit in.

Use these tips as your knight in shining armor to fight for your place.

Forget titles. In our house, Little Boy calls me “Mumma” and Little Girl calls me “Melissa.” I prefer both. I’ve never expected either of them to call me “Mom” because that’s just a title, and titles can be touchy. Instead, I focus on what I do – which matters a heck of a lot more than a title.

Realize the difference between better and easy. Our first year of marriage, I tried to be the “perfect” wife and step mom by doing all the things every “normal” wife and mother does. The problem was, trying to be perfect left me feeling anything but. Eventually, I learned it was ok to say, “No.” I learned that instead of making life easy for Mr. Right, I make it better. I help and support – but I might not baby-sit. I can’t make dealing with a tantrum easy, but I can make it better by researching the cause online and sharing a possible solution.

Birth parents win. Don’t try to be them or replace them. Simply be someone the kids can look up to.

Remember the start. I believe all families would benefit from this mindset, but for blended families it’s the key to survival: your marriage has to come first. This can be tricky – step-kids require incredible amounts of attention due to the stress of divorce and the emotions that go along with that. Before buying into the guilt-trip, consider this: what have they learned about marriage? Now, show them what a good marriage looks like. Show them what it means to love and cherish.

Speak up. Don’t be afraid to say, “I know your mom does it this way, but I’m not your mom. I’m Melissa.” Work with your spouse to establish household rules and routines and rely on him to get the kids to play along.

Hug, kiss and snuggle as much as possible. Make this chapter count. There will be a day the little dragons fly away, leaving the kingdom empty. Give spontaneous hugs, be silly, read together, spend time in their world. Build a storybook ending where you belong.

Read more from Melissa at her blog, Peace & Projects, or subscribe to her feed.