Comments on: Fight For A Place In Your Blended Family http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/2009/11/fight-for-a-place-in-your-blended-family/ Simple Happiness Mon, 15 Mar 2010 23:15:52 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Peace and Projects » Blog Archive » Stop Being a Victim and Start Living http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/2009/11/fight-for-a-place-in-your-blended-family/#comment-736 Peace and Projects » Blog Archive » Stop Being a Victim and Start Living Thu, 17 Dec 2009 06:18:08 +0000 http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/?p=372#comment-736 [...] stopped being a victim of my life and started elbowing to find a place in my family. A place that fit and felt [...] [...] stopped being a victim of my life and started elbowing to find a place in my family. A place that fit and felt [...]

]]> By: sally yehia http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/2009/11/fight-for-a-place-in-your-blended-family/#comment-526 sally yehia Sat, 14 Nov 2009 20:15:13 +0000 http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/?p=372#comment-526 really its good job from you to mother like me please go on really its good job from you to mother like me please go on

]]> By: Annabel Candy, Get In the Hot Spot http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/2009/11/fight-for-a-place-in-your-blended-family/#comment-504 Annabel Candy, Get In the Hot Spot Wed, 11 Nov 2009 06:34:39 +0000 http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/?p=372#comment-504 I don't have much personal experience of blended families but I do know that kids test boundaries and they are capable of adapting their behaviour to suit different environments. Ergo, when change comes they will play up. It's to be expected. However they can adapt to new rules and different rules in different places. Consistency is the key within your house. When kids come to play at our place I explain certain rules we have like taking off shoes and why we don't drink juice and they get it. Similarly when my kids go elsewhere they know that the host parents are in charge and they need to stick to their rules. I don’t have much personal experience of blended families but I do know that kids test boundaries and they are capable of adapting their behaviour to suit different environments.

Ergo, when change comes they will play up. It’s to be expected. However they can adapt to new rules and different rules in different places. Consistency is the key within your house.

When kids come to play at our place I explain certain rules we have like taking off shoes and why we don’t drink juice and they get it. Similarly when my kids go elsewhere they know that the host parents are in charge and they need to stick to their rules.

]]> By: Melissa Gorzelanczyk http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/2009/11/fight-for-a-place-in-your-blended-family/#comment-502 Melissa Gorzelanczyk Wed, 11 Nov 2009 01:27:23 +0000 http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/?p=372#comment-502 @Shirley - you are so right about the kids and their (many) new emotions regarding stepparents. Mr. Right has a very delicate role in this - making sure both his new love and "old loves" are getting enough attention. I know you haven't met, but he is really something. ;-) @Shirley – you are so right about the kids and their (many) new emotions regarding stepparents.
Mr. Right has a very delicate role in this – making sure both his new love and “old loves” are getting enough attention.
I know you haven’t met, but he is really something. ;-)

]]> By: Shirley Cress Dudley, MA LPC http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/2009/11/fight-for-a-place-in-your-blended-family/#comment-499 Shirley Cress Dudley, MA LPC Tue, 10 Nov 2009 22:20:52 +0000 http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/?p=372#comment-499 Great advice about keeping your marriage first, and the ultimate priority. I hear your perspective on the stepmom not fitting in, but don't forget that there are feelings on the other side- the kids are worried that they no longer fit in, and that they are being replaced by this new love and possibly even new stepkids. Everyone is so focused on their own feelings that it's hard to help others. Step back, take a deep breath, and get to know each other as a family. Children need a set of guidelines/houserules in each home, boundaries and structure, in order to learn the expectations for this blended family. It's tough- but well worth the effort! Shirley Cress Dudley Blended and Step Family Expert Great advice about keeping your marriage first, and the ultimate priority. I hear your perspective on the stepmom not fitting in, but don’t forget that there are feelings on the other side- the kids are worried that they no longer fit in, and that they are being replaced by this new love and possibly even new stepkids. Everyone is so focused on their own feelings that it’s hard to help others.

Step back, take a deep breath, and get to know each other as a family. Children need a set of guidelines/houserules in each home, boundaries and structure, in order to learn the expectations for this blended family.

It’s tough- but well worth the effort!
Shirley Cress Dudley
Blended and Step Family Expert

]]> By: Michelle Traudt http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/2009/11/fight-for-a-place-in-your-blended-family/#comment-498 Michelle Traudt Tue, 10 Nov 2009 19:26:44 +0000 http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/?p=372#comment-498 Great post, thank you! I am part of a blended family. 2 years ago I was blessed with a wonderful husband and step-son. My step-son and my daughter get along great, but there are still the challenges of functioning as a whole family. Especially when there are other parents involved, other houses, rules, etc. Thank you for writing about this subject and giving some great tips to remember! Great post, thank you! I am part of a blended family. 2 years ago I was blessed with a wonderful husband and step-son. My step-son and my daughter get along great, but there are still the challenges of functioning as a whole family. Especially when there are other parents involved, other houses, rules, etc. Thank you for writing about this subject and giving some great tips to remember!

]]> By: Melissa Gorzelanczyk http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/2009/11/fight-for-a-place-in-your-blended-family/#comment-497 Melissa Gorzelanczyk Tue, 10 Nov 2009 19:00:54 +0000 http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/?p=372#comment-497 @Mandi - What an awesome perspective about your step dad. Thanks so much for sharing it. @Mandi – What an awesome perspective about your step dad. Thanks so much for sharing it.

]]> By: Mandi @ Organizing Your Way http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/2009/11/fight-for-a-place-in-your-blended-family/#comment-496 Mandi @ Organizing Your Way Tue, 10 Nov 2009 18:56:48 +0000 http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/?p=372#comment-496 I love this post! Although I've never been a step-parent, I've been a step-daughter, and I love my step-dad more than words can say. I call him "Pop" now, just like my girls do, but I've always said that step-dad was a title he should wear proudly. It's not me saying he's not my "real" dad; it's me saying he chose to love me as his own even though he didn't have to. I love this post! Although I’ve never been a step-parent, I’ve been a step-daughter, and I love my step-dad more than words can say. I call him “Pop” now, just like my girls do, but I’ve always said that step-dad was a title he should wear proudly. It’s not me saying he’s not my “real” dad; it’s me saying he chose to love me as his own even though he didn’t have to.

]]> By: Tom http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/2009/11/fight-for-a-place-in-your-blended-family/#comment-495 Tom Tue, 10 Nov 2009 17:57:36 +0000 http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/?p=372#comment-495 This also speaks to step-fathers, of which I am one. In my blended family, I have two step kids and two of my own: one biological daughter and a daughter we adopted from China several years ago. It is an interesting mixture of dynamics but prior to having my own children, I was always the odd man out and on the outside looking in. We have worked hard in my house to have all the kids act as siblings, but I know their dad's house my kids are never mentioned. Good luck to all! This also speaks to step-fathers, of which I am one. In my blended family, I have two step kids and two of my own: one biological daughter and a daughter we adopted from China several years ago. It is an interesting mixture of dynamics but prior to having my own children, I was always the odd man out and on the outside looking in. We have worked hard in my house to have all the kids act as siblings, but I know their dad’s house my kids are never mentioned.

Good luck to all!

]]> By: Zengirl http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/2009/11/fight-for-a-place-in-your-blended-family/#comment-494 Zengirl Tue, 10 Nov 2009 17:47:51 +0000 http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/?p=372#comment-494 We do not have step family members yet sometimes some of us do feel odd woman or man out and and it is uneasy feeling. Good ideas for everyone. We do not have step family members yet sometimes some of us do feel odd woman or man out and and it is uneasy feeling. Good ideas for everyone.

]]>