Editor’s note: The following is a guest post from Jared Matthew Kessler.
Simple happiness seems so much more productive than “complex” happiness. Doesn’t it?
In keeping with this idea, I would venture to say that today we probably have more distractions away from our families than ever before. Why? It’s complex.
And WHY is it so complex?
Now more than ever we have to practice a sort of selective attention, unconsciously screening out what will make us happy. Simply put, there are more things vying for our attention.
We have more cars on the road. More people in cars. More cell phones. More people on cell phones. More web sites. More people on web sites. And… I don’t know about you, but this gets exhausting after a while. Doesn’t it?
This is what I call “complex happiness” – constantly getting and doing more to be more happy.
But simple happiness? Ahhh…
Here are a few tips:
1 – Own less so it won’t own you.
I do this only using cash, living on a budget and living 100% debt free.
2 – Empty yourself.
Go through your closets. Get rid of everything you haven’t used in a year or more (donate it to a local charity or if you need some extra cash, sell it).
3 – Don’t commute.
Any of the jobs I’ve worked I couldn’t commute more than 30 minutes. For me, the money wasn’t worth the stress or hassle of being away from those I loved more than I needed to.
4 – Smile while you talk.
I learned this from a friend of a friend – and talk about hard work. It is at first, but you start to become good at it and the rest of the family will love you for it.
So it’s up to you. Simple happiness doesn’t take much. Complex happiness… well it’s way too complex for me (so I’ll stop here).
Jared Matthew Kessler, is the author of ‘The Poet and The Billionaire’ and the CEO of a company called “Moving Mountains” – a small place (Jared) that’s looking to make a HUGE impact on your business and personal life.
1 – Own less so it won’t own you.
This is practically impossible for the modern day young person. If you go to college, plan on being in debt. Then a car? And a house? Being fiscal is always a great idea, but its a little idealistic to be debt free in today’s world.
2 – Empty yourself.
Great idea. Clutter leads to stress.
3 – Don’t commute.
Also a little idealistic, living in the city is always expensive. Plus, living in the suburbs can be a more soothing setting then the busy city life.
4 – Smile while you talk.
Agree 200%. How about just smile?
1. Debt free needs to be a goal. The problem is for the many people conditioned to expect (and get) instant gratification, a goal that will take months (or years) of persistent focus to achieve may well be impossible. Once you get there, the rewards are said to be substantial.
2. Now, if I could only get the rest of the family to agree…
3. I’ve managed, partly by pure dumb luck, to get my commute down to the 30 minute range. It’s nice, but I do miss those two naps each weekday.
4. Smiling is great. Just remember that everyone who smiles at you doesn’t have the same agenda as you do.
I love this. And thanks for keeping it simple. Being content can only come from within, not without. The concept of ‘emptying’ and simplifying can allow the inner voice and wisdom, always there, always content, to be heard.
I am writing about this concept now, for one of our ‘Be Well’ activities, part of the Yoga 4 Classrooms program for K-8 schools and classrooms.
Thanks everyone for the comments. Specifically, I want to reply to Ryan’s comments on living debt free… because I think it’s IMPERATIVE that young people understand this.
You CAN live debt free. It’s a choice (and not an “idealistic” one). BUT you have to understand the difference between a “want” and a “need.” In short, you don’t need much.
If you want, you can read a bit of my story on my web site or Google, “Dave Ramsey” to see that MILLIONS of others are living debt free lives because we TRULY understand that “the borrower is a slave to the lender” and we don’t care to live that way. Also, check out manvsdebt.com to see a ton of others living this way too.
We are debt free other than our house (after paying off $58,000 in debt), and I will say that it CAN be done and it SHOULD be done. The level of freedom and peace this has provided our family is priceless.
I can also attest to the quality of life afforded by a shortened commute. I used to commute 40 miles each way in bad traffic. After building my role in my company with a focus on getting work (I’m a consulting engineer) closer to home, I was able to move to an office that’s only a few miles from home. It is simply awesome.
I don’t think it’s overly idealistic at all to live debt free. The author of this blog proves that. And I don’t think it’s overly idealistic to not commute. When I began a new job two years ago, I moved close to it, and now walk to work nearly every day. Granted, there were a few months after I started the job, before we moved, and in that time I took public transportation, which, if one needs to commute, is often a lot less stressful than driving.
Now, I just need to practice smiling. :-)
One of the most gratifying things to do is get rid of stuff.
I have to be careful, it almost becomes a habit of mine.
But it’s needless to say that owning less stuff and simplicity makes you happier.
Klaus Tol
I love this site simply because it always seems to give me exactly what I need when I need it. Thanks for this timely article… I already feel better. :)
Hey Jared!
#1 is the hardest for me. I couldn’t even have this Internet connection without a credit card! Then again, our business pays for it. So perhaps use credit for prudent business reasons, but get rid of the credit cards at home? I have not done that. And I do spend much more when I use them – particularly online, where impulse buying is so easy.
I love #2. We’ve been living out of an RV for a good part of the year and we discovered how little we missed all of the “stuff” back home. I really didn’t care if it all just went away. The thing we missed the most was space!
Also love #3. We haven’t commuted for years. We work from home, or the RV. You couldn’t drag me back into an office now!
#4 is a slam dunk. Even NLP says that good feelings often follow your expression of them, rather than the reverse. And smiles change the energy of every environment. I love living in small towns where it’s still OK to smile at strangers.
Thanks for the fantastic post! And great blog too! I just signed up for your newsletter!
All the best,
Hugh
I always frame happiness as a simple choice: Would I rather feel blessed and thankful for the things I have or feel miserable and awful? When you frame happiness in this way it is just commonsense to choose happiness.
Jared – I like your ending. And I can vouch for #3 – I commuted 45 minutes for 2 years and by the end was way more stressed out than necessary. Its definitely not worth it.
I also want to respond to Ryan’s comments. Jared hit the nail on the head when he spoke about understanding the difference between wants and needs.
It is possible to attain an education without going into debt. It probably will take longer, working part-time while going to school part-time or even working full-time while going to school at night. The upside is that one will gain so much more from work experience that is not learned in the classroom. It really does count with employers!
Do you really need a car? Walk, ride the bus, bicycle… I’ve recently heard of coop ownership of vehicles that seems to be working well for some. “Green” alternatives are healthier for you (exercise) as well as for the planet (fewer fossil fuels). And your health WILL contribute to your happiness, especially for the long haul.
It’s true that buying a house is difficult without going into debt – but it can be done. Muslims do it. (It is against their religion to pay interest, if I understand correctly) Sometimes rent-to-own is an option. Sometimes an in-depth analysis reveals that renting is actually cheaper.
Great points, all of them!
About the debt, I have a friend who will be graduating from college this year, with no debt. He lived with his parents until married (they both had jobs to pay for living expenses) to save on rent. After getting married they have only one car that is paid for. My wife and I will have debt when we graduate, but we also have a plan in place to get rid of it as quickly as possible.
We have only one vehicle and do quite nicely, even without using public transportation (such as is offered here).
It is possible, you just have to look outside the normal way of doing things.
i love the idea of simplicity. it is difficult to aquire simplicity. it is useless unless you let go of everything. i’ve done this for 6 years and now i am homeless in america and monetarly poor when i stay in america. i have a beautiful home in Thailand and i’m a millionaire of the soul when i’m there… i try to trick my self into believeing this and it is true your thoughts are your reality.
Loved this post and all the others on zenhabits.
I’m a student studying away from home, and I’ve managed to live without debt. I’ve got all the usual expenses of rent, food, petrol etc but I also pay international student fees (about 3 times the usual rate). If I can manage to live debt free then I’m sure others could as well.
Getting rid of clutter…I LOVE IT!
Been slowly culling my possessions now for about a year and although i still have residual stuff that I know I want rid of but haven’t got round to selling yet, I’m almost there.
I live a 3 minute walk from the studio I work at, I think I’ve got that nailed.
As for smiling, well I’m a grumpy b*&@&(*d. Something I need to work on…
Perfect post for me right now. With our children getting older, we are planning to downsize our life. Not only are we looking to buy a smaller house, but we are finding we need less “stuff” right now. Happiness doesn’t exist in the things we have, but in the life we create.
Hey Jared,
Thanks for this, and for the spirit of wellness that is in general short supply because corporate America cannot make any money off of people without fear and over-burning desires.
My additional notion of happiness, although I’m not so sure it’s simple to live, is to unconditionally want exactly what we have at this pulsing moment.
This, I find, frees us to master the lessons of our blocks and frees us to move forward if we’re stuck, and to savor life if we’re not.
Namaste
All the best things in life are simple … but seldom easy. It’s simple to wake up in the morning and immediately begin a mental gratitude list. The hard part is remembering to do it as the thoughts of the coming day or the memories of yesterday overtake our sleepy brain. Simple but not easy … and yet one of the most effective happiness tools ever!
Thanks for this list! I agree, simple is better than complex. Simple and easy is even better. Now to get the self-leverage to actually do these simple, easy things long enough to form new habits, that’s the ticket! And that’s Practice Happiness!
Happy blessings~
Randy Sandknop
http://www.practicehappiness.com
re: 4. – Smile while you talk.
Part of my job is to assist angry customers. When I have a phone call passed to me the first thing I do is stand up, take a deep breath, put on a big smile. IT REALLY HELPS!! Try it!!
I wish I could work closer to home but unfortunately as the sole provider for my family my job takes me 40 miles from home each way every day (5 days/week). I feel guilty about being away from my 2 year old son and husband for 50 hours a week but feel I have no choice as the job opportunities near my home are limited and we need my income to maintain our home and other living expenses. We thought about selling our house and moving into an apartment closer to work, however that would cost us thousands upon thousands of lost dollars and are waiting for the economy to pick up again so we can figure out what to do at that time. Life has definitely been stressful with my husband out of work this last year and dealing w/ his chronic illness. Wondering how to deal with such stresses? Anyone have any suggestions?