Comments on: Overcoming The Guilt Of Under-Scheduling Our Kids

By: Sharing Saturday ~ 03-20-2010 ~ Babies Celebrated | rosiegirldreams.com

Sharing Saturday ~ 03-20-2010 ~ Babies Celebrated | rosiegirldreams.com — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 12:43:03 +0000

[...] enjoyed reading Overcoming the Guilt of Under-Scheduling Our Kids on Zen Family Habits. Leo Babauta manages to write so much quality content on his various blogs. [...]

By: Laurie T

Laurie T — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 15:16:51 +0000

My kids are now grown (26,22 and 20) but I had this same policy in place when they were younger. The whole “let’s put our kids in every activity imaginable” mindset was just starting and I thought it was ridiculous! My kids loved playing outside and they loved imaginative activities – building forts, playing house, building huge Lego villages etc. Why don’t parents let their kids just “be kids”? My kids still love to hang out together and just talk and laugh. Our favorite activities still include playing games (bananagrams is a favorite) with all of their boyfriends/girlfriends. We just like to hang. I think some parents are creating kids who have to be so stimulated all of the time, they don’t know how to relax and just “be”.

By: Teri

Teri — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 08:10:11 +0000

Someone very wise once said to me that it is way more important for kids to have opportunities to invest in meaningful relationships than to have opportunities for experiences/activites. I think you are very wise.

By: Maritza

Maritza — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 14:58:02 +0000

I’ve always believed in a healthy balance for everything. Even before our oldest went to school last year, I decided that we would follow a “rule” that I’d heard from my son’s karate sensei that made a lot of sense to me then, and still does.

The rule: 1 x individual sport/activity, 1 x group sport/activity & 1 x cultural activity, adjusted by season where required. This way, he learns to commit to a long-term individual goal, become a team player and expand his thinking and life experience.

So now my son does swimming, plays the violin and does karate. In winter, the swimming will be swopped for soccer. He’s asked for more, but I’ve told him that if he wanted to do more, we’d have to drop something else. He gets that, and he’s already learned to make some choices. For example, violin was his choice, after deciding that the drumming circle wasn’t really fun for him anymore.

At the same time, I believe very strongly in teaching commitment and endurance. He can’t pick and choose things every term. For karate, the rule was that he had to grade at least once. Then, pass or fail, he could stop if he wanted to. He chose to continue after getting his yellow belt. For violin, he has to stick with it for the year, and then again he’ll have the choice to opt out for something else. Unless, of course, he develops a major dislike for the subject & there is a good developmental reason not to force him to stick it out.

By: Anki

Anki — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 07:57:18 +0000

My kids have swimmingclasses (we live by the sea and it’s important that they learn to swim) and one other thing each (ballet and tennis). But swimmingclasses are the only think we have to use the car for and it’s only a 7min drive. The other activities are a 7 min walk from our house and that was one of the reasons that we decided to buy the house, it’s close to both shops, the library, public transport as well as activities like boy scouts, soccer, tennis etc.

By: G Throne

G Throne — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 06:02:19 +0000

The most we’ve allowed our children is two organized extracurricular activities each, plus our church’s Religious Education program per week. Our daughter went for music and a sport. Our son, the younger has so far only wanted the one sport. Any more scheduled events, and there’s no time for family or school friends.

By: Privilege of Parenting

Privilege of Parenting — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 04:17:57 +0000

Hey Lindsey, thanks for leading us over to this cool site. I’m with you full-speed on slowing down; the more of us who stop rushing the gates of the sparkling and the fabulous the sooner the rest of us might notice that all that type-A driving leads to heart disease more than it leads to happiness.

It’s also good to keep in mind the whether it’s walking, reading or violin… faster is just faster (and rarely better). Early walkers are not better walkers; late bloomers have a lot of soul.

The next big frontier is going to be regulation (of everything from affect to appetites of all sorts). As a friend who has started and sold several companies once said (referring to greed for money, power, etc.), “Trees don’t grow to heaven.”

Namaste

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 04:06:37 +0000

Thanks for your post! I also often struggle with this: feeling anxious that my son (age 5) is missing out by not doing swimming, soccer, gymnastics, or tennis with all of his friends, yet noting how happy and engaged he is while we’re playing in the snow at the park and they’re all being shuttled to their activities.

By: morgin1013

morgin1013 — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 21:13:17 +0000

If your kids are at activities every night and all weekend not only do you have to ask when do they get to be kids, but when do they get to relax. How many articles are about finding time for yourself or finding time to relax ect. don’t kids need the same recharge that these articles say we deserve? You also need to ask when do they spend any time with you? Spending time with your kids is more important then karate lessons IMHO. They will learn more from you then some class they will forget about it in a few years. If your kids want to learn about art why do you have to put them in a class 2 nights a week why don’t you learn together? Try painting or going to a museum. Kids very often only have a fleeting interest in things so why put them in a class every time they want to know about something? Make them show a real interest first many times you will find there is another reason they want to go (some other kid thinks it cool, a friend takes the class and so on) other then genuine interest. I know a few parents that use activities as a babysitter so they can “get things done” without the kids around and they really are just missing out on their kids growing up. No child has ever been messed up because they weren’t in enough activities one or two per child should be enough. The rest of the time they aren’t in activities they can be spending time with you which is going to shape them more then any class. Never feel guilty about spending time with your child or for doing what you think is best. Any parent that tries to make you feel bad is either insecure of their own choices or is a not a nice person and why would you care what someone like that thinks of you.

By: Marcus @ Parent Notes

Marcus @ Parent Notes — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 19:04:50 +0000

I actually think cramming every moment of a child’s day can be damaging. We don’t want to make children afraid of inactivity. Throughout our lives, both as children and adults, we need time to be still and reflect. Activities can be an excuse to avoid some important thinking time! We don’t want our children to fall into that trap.
What’s more, if our children’s days are all filled with directed activities, when will they learn to direct their own time?