Comments on: Parenting on a Tightrope

By: An Introduction to Child Perspective

An Introduction to Child Perspective — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 12:36:06 +0000

[...] Parenting on a Tightrope at Zen Family Habits [...]

By: Courtney

Courtney — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 15:42:56 +0000

My little one just turned a year this week. Gone are the days when my worries included full bellies and clean diapers. He’s developing a personality all his own and I have to learn how to balance my idea of what is best with his own hopes and desires.

Let the fun begin!

By: Sudeep

Sudeep — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 13:11:47 +0000

A child’s perspective… I do not know any thing about that what my mom and dad went through, but sure do I know when I made mistakes one of them would take a aggressive stance against me , while the other cajoled me and explained my mistake … was it child’s perspective or no.

By: Vani

Vani — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 06:29:43 +0000

Its really very true… Understanding the child’s perspective puts us in harmony with the child.. You and the child relate in such a way that the growth happens without any effort.. Many thanks..

By: Wendy (Give Love Create Happiness)

Wendy (Give Love Create Happiness) — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 04:31:28 +0000

I really loved this post. Taking time to look at something from another’s perspective is a wonderful way of truly giving your love. Especially your beautiful and precious child!

By: Emily Geizer

Emily Geizer — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 00:57:41 +0000

I’m glad to know that the post resonated with you guys. I love reading about your experiences as parents and/or kids.

Thanks for the book recommendation, Amy. I know a little about Barbara Meltz, but haven’t read that book. It sounds like I should add it to my list.

Hugh, I love how you describe how to really tap into your child’s perspective. It definitely comes from that deep level of connection, as you described.

Thanks for your thoughtful feedback.

By: Dr. Vaidyanathan

Dr. Vaidyanathan — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 00:13:32 +0000

A very good post. Good parenting invariably emerges from bad parenting, provided one is willing to learn from mistakes made by oneself and by others. We have all hated our parents at some point of time, for doing or not doing something, and yet, when it comes to our children, we are often no better. If you parent your child from your heart, you will be a great parent and your child will flower beautifully. If you parent your child from the mind, rest assured that both you and your child will invariably become neurotic, to say the least.

By: LolitA

LolitA — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 21:11:58 +0000

I agree with your Post Blog. Unfortunately, when parents are not in the state of mind seeing the Real Life, they can’t help themselves. They react very bad in front of their children that make the Children remember their bad reaction. Lucky those Children who never experienced the Bad Habits from their parents, but majority of the Children, their own parents were the first Bad Influenced to them. How many Children in the World experienced this?? My heart cries when I think about that most of us had this experienced. Because of those unexplainable Bad experienced, I searched deeply within my heart. I have reached the Connection Rev. 3: 7 to 13 to avoid the Abused in Life.

By: Amy G

Amy G — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 20:50:51 +0000

Great post and excellent perspective. I can recommend a book that expands on this, and it really helped me when my son was two and starting to test all the boundaries. It’s called “Put Yourself in Their Shoes,” by Barbara F. Meltz. She teaches that instead of just reacting to childrens’ behavior, to stop and try to see the situation from their perspective and understand it in terms of finding a win-win way to deal with it. Enormously helpful and I hope it is to others, too!

By: Hugh DeBurgh ~ The Passionate Warrior

Hugh DeBurgh ~ The Passionate Warrior — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 18:21:54 +0000

Hi Emily!

Thank you for this great post!

From my experience with my brood of four, you are right on. The one thing that has solidified trust, understanding, and peace in my home is when we, as parents, make a real effort to understand the child’s perspective.

This is not done by theoretically imagining what it would be like to be your kids, either. You just have to get down to their level, slow down your racing mind, relax, and enter their space (with permission). The simple act of honoring them with your focused attention seems to smooth over just about every friction. It tells your kids that they are recognized. That they are respected as human beings. And that you really do care about what they think.

I can remember as a kid wondering if my parents would really notice if I was suddenly replaced with another well-behaved kid. Because it was what I did that seemed to matter, and the fact that they had a son. I don’t really remember much effort on their part to understand me. So I began to hide the real me and tried to be what I thought they wanted.

This is how kids think. I am sure that my parents would have been deeply hurt to lose me, but, as a child, I didn’t know that.

I love to say that the greatest gift that you can give to another is your full and undivided attention. That applies especially to children.

Again, thanks for passing this message. Everyone, and particularly parents, need to hear it.

All the best,

Hugh