Post written by Zen Family Habits contributor Corey Allan. Follow him on Twitter.
“I think we watch too much TV” stated my wife.
“Er, uh, what?” As I hit pause on the Tivo. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”
“Nothing” she replied.
This is a conversation we’ve had several times throughout the course of our 16 years together. We’ve had times of limiting our television watching, a period of going without cable in order to cut costs and save money, and we’ve had a couple of times where we went a week without turning on the TV.
This time, we went an entire month without the TV on once. No favorite shows, no sports, no cartoons (it took a couple of weeks for the kids to stop asking).
At first, it was tough. I realized that veg time with the TV was a way I would unwind and relax at the end of the day. I noticed my stress level was a bit higher. I was shorter with the kids.
But after a week or so, I began to like the idea more. We spent time playing as a family. The kids played puzzles and up’d their imaginative play (which I love watching). We would eat dinners and breakfasts outside on the deck. And after the kids went to bed, rather than my wife and I zoning out in front of the TV, we’d sit outside and talk, work on little projects around the house, read, or spend our time in other pursuits (wink, wink).
When the month was over, we kept the experiment going, only with a couple alterations. The kids now watch a couple of cartoons in the morning, and we catch a game at times (I married a woman who likes watching sports … yep, I’m a lucky man).
We still talk about doing away with the whole thing, and then we come back to the other side and enjoy TV in short bursts. But one thing is for sure – the times we have gone without (or dramatically less) TV, there has been an improvement in the quality of our marriage.
Here’s what we discovered:
1. Get more sleep. I’m a night owl. I would regularly be up until midnight, usually watching TV. Now I find myself in bed reading by 10 or so. I’ve picked up around 2 hours more sleep per night by simply turning off the TV.
2. Talk more. Without the mindlessness of TV in the way, we began taking more, and we already had a relationship where talking to each other is not really a problem. We sit in the living room and talk. Hang out with each other and read. The point is, we connect more.
3. Live life rather than watching others live theirs. This seems to be a growing issue in our world. Reality shows (if you can call them that) are everywhere. This has led to more and more people watching others live rather than getting up off the couch and living themselves. Plan an adventure. Work on things together. Start a business. We have good friends who 8 months ago did away with their TV completely. They are now planning on how they are going to fulfill one of their dreams of living overseas. They head out in a year, with a 5 and 2 year old.
4. Less consumerism, more contentment. Without the constant bombardment of ads and must haves, you really do become more content with what you have. You can then focus on what you need, which isn’t all that much, rather than what other people say you need or want.
5. A better outlook on life. Granted, the world we live in is rough at times, and times are hard currently, but when you disconnect from the mainstream news sources, you’ll probably discover that things are not as bad as they led you to believe. My wife and I have been on a news media fast for 2 years now – and we have no plans of going back.
Great comments and ideas. TiVo makes it worse…you can carve out the time to watch your favorite shows whenever you want to – spending less time in front of the TV is something I will suggest every now and again but my hubby likes his “down time” I will keep trying!
Thanks for this, Corey. I think we may actually try a TV fast…if I can pry my wife away from her evening re-runs of Roseanne and The Nanny. It’s funny because I don’t actively watch that much TV. However, it has become habitual to have it on in the background to the point where I’ll turn it on and then try to block it out as I focus on writing or reading. How mental is that ?!?
Good stuff!
I had just finished doing a mini-post on my own blog about television when I saw this post in my inbox!
Perhaps there’s something in the air! I hope so!
Love it. Plus, I imagine a TV fast could actually lead to weight loss!
A TV fast forces you to not eat in front of the TV which allows you to be present with your food which will help you slow down your eating, which will help you eat less, digest better, and have a happier tummy!
Plus it would do away with the mindless TV snacking.
Love this post! We’ve been SEVEN years without a television and don’t even miss it anymore. We spend so much more time together. I love the quiet it’s absence brings to our world even in a house with a four year old :)
My husband and I have been spending more time reading and working on projects around the house than watching TV. We also DVR the showes we like so that we can watch them here and there when it works for us. I love not being tied to the TV or a specific show!
It is has been with us around 3 years of no television for me and my wife. I am sure all the points said by you are so true in regards with switching off the television. The only point that I would like to add is the it is necessary to switch even the internet as in the first few months we both got hooked to the internet instead of television, and soon found out that even that can be addictive.
So get out from all electronic media when with family is our goal..
I’ve been without a physical TV now for a whole year, and before that I didn’t watch a whole lot of it.
We have access to programs we really want to watch via the internet, which makes it so much more entertaining. You have so much more time to spend talking to each other rather than sitting near each other watching TV.
There is so much rubbish on TV, and so much more quality available in the real world.
A great book on this topic is:
The Plug-In Drug : Television, Computers, And Family Life
by Marie Winn
© 1977, 1985, 2002
SOOOOOO true – I’ve come to hate broadcast/cable TV. However, we still enjoy movies and DVDs. Our new hobby is watching vintage TV shows with the kids – Gilligan’s Island, Mister Ed, I Love Lucy, etc. They LOVE it. And NO commercials. So now they can walk into a toy and hobby store and chose products based on whether THEY think it would be fun, not what someone else on TV has told them they should play with. And I’m no longer bombarded with comparisons of unrealistic perfect people on televisions and modern TV shows. Love being cableless!
I whole heartedly agree with the benefits you listed. Recently my husband and I decided to designate a couple of evenings a week with no screen time, no TV, no computer, no games. It is a good balance for us.
Thanks Corey!
I grew up on TV, like most of you probably did. As a kid I grew pudgy just sitting there, glued to the tube.
As I got older, and as broadcast TV quality got worse, I cut down on watching.
However, I could never imagine actually not having a TV. To me it seemed equivalent to moving to a shack in the mountains and eating tree bark.
This past year my family and I spent four months on the road in our RV. We brought a TV to keep the kids entertained ;-).
The funny thing was, we never actually turned it on. We’d visit campgrounds that had free cable TV, but we didn’t have the right cable connector. About two months into our journey, I picked up a new cable, but I never actually took it out of the package.
We discovered, as the commentators here have noted, that we really don’t like TV that much.
I had already sworn off the mass press after reading Tim Ferriss’ “The Four Hour Work Week,” and like Tim, I am happier for it. Any news that I really need seems to find me with no trouble.
Now I am always surprised at the level of anxiety that I see in my parents, who sit glued to a blaring Fox News all day long.
People in the States are terrified and paranoid. And the TV is, in my opinion, the prime contributor to that state.
Anyway, here’s to throwing it out the door! (after this season’s The Bachelor is over, of course) ;-)
All the best,
Hugh
My wife and I have basic cable, but only because it’s cheaper than getting internet alone. I think we have turned it on once or twice since we got it.
We have a 20 inch monitor in our living room that is hooked up to an old Macbook in the closet. We use this to watch Netflix / DVDs. What I love about this is that you watch everything on demand – if you’re watching something, it’s because you chose to, not just because it’s on. When the show’s over, you have to get up and turn on another one, it doesn’t go by itself. It makes you conscious of the time. And, BONUS, no commercials.
However, all that’s getting ready to change for the next 2+ weeks, starting tonight. (I really love to watch the Olympics).
Great post! And cheers to you for doing it for a whole month!
When my daughter was young, we had game we played every month: “Turn off the TV Week”. That week we didn’t put the televisions on, in fact, we unplugged them. She really came to look forward to those times a great deal. And so did I. Frankly, it was a relief.
I’ve always been against the idea of having televisions in the bedroom, but even if you can’t pull that one off, I think it’s a great idea to have at least one room in the house, for adults and or children, where people can go and close the door and get away from televisions all together. A sanctuary.
If you think about it, there’s probably not a single sanctuary you could imagine that would include a television… or a computer for that matter. For married couples, why not make that the bedroom? ;)
Cheers,
Miche :)
To quote Miche:
“I’ve always been against the idea of having televisions in the bedroom, but even if you can’t pull that one off, I think it’s a great idea to have at least one room in the house, for adults and or children, where people can go and close the door and get away from televisions all together. A sanctuary.”
I live outside the US (in Australia,so still a very “western” country and very well off… The concepts of TVs in anything but the public living space, for me, is ridiculous! I can’t understand why so many Americans have TVs in their bedrooms…
Great perspective on living without a TV. My family and I have done it off and on for years, generally getting cable (the only way to get TV where we live) in the winter and “fasting” from TV in the summer. Winters are long and dark and summers days are long and wonderful into the evening. I prefer going without TV at all. It takes a couple weeks to readjust, but then we’re into our new TV less life.
I love the idea of no major news. I’m a news junkie, but just today on TV news broadcast I saw 2 disturbing incidents: the first was the news aired the beating of a teenage girl on the 8am morning news! I was trying to check the weather and my two year old got to watch a girl get kicked in the head! I changed the channel but still. Then, later this afternoon, before word had come that the luge olympian had died, I saw his luge run and crash on TV. That was totally unnecessary – I just watched someone die! I’m ready to give up entirely on broadcast journalism.
My wife and I had cable when we lived in our apartment and then for the few months we lived with my parents. Then, we found a house to rent and decided from the beginning that we wouldn’t have cable or even a digital converter box. We both found that it was great for our time together and when we do watch something, it’s generally a movie now. If we didn’t love movies together so much, we might actually scrap the tv altogether and just have more space in our living room.
I’m 30 years old and my wife and I have lived the past 6 years without TV. We still like to watch Lost and 24, so we will watch those online. (I have a computer hooked up to our 50″ plasma.) But what I’ve found is that this really forces you to prioritize your TV. You watch the shows you love but only those. Whereas before, I would often flip on the TV and just watch whatever was on.
The one downside is missing live sporting events…but local bars are usually showing those and it’s a nice chance to get out into the real world.
we have so much fun cuddling watching tv but if there is an event on that we dont like we are going to start hanging in the hammock outside and talking
When my son was about to be born, I told my husband that I didn’t want him addicted to TV like we were. So we canceled cable. We still have a big TV in the living room, but it’s saved for after he’s asleep, when there’s something (like the Olympics) special on or for an occasional movie. We even stopped watching TV in the bedroom.
I still wrestle with the idea that we still have too much TV. I try to listen to music more, but sometimes turning on the TV is easier. Maybe cold turkey is the way to go…
I’ve never owned a television. My parents didn’t get one until I moved out. Although I hated not having one as a child – having no common ground with my TV-show-saturated peers felt pretty lonely – I am very glad for the deprivation as I reflect on what it saved me from. My threshold for mindless passivity is so low that I can’t sit for more than twenty minutes in front of a television. I play music, hike, run, read, write, visit friends and play with my son. Life is too good and too short to be doing anything less.
Yes! This notion of “watching others live life instead of living your own” has been plaguing me for awhile. Why am I watching other people do the things that I want to do??? Good reminder to get off the couch and start living.
When my hubby and I moved into our first house 2.5yrs ago we left the cable behind. We have always hated commercials so it was not hard. We do love our movies though! We still watch too many movies….this article was great…it sounds just like us. I am going to propose a t.v break to the hubby…thanks.
Great points. I’ve often used taking away TV privileges for my kids when they misbehave. They’re often better behaved and more creative without it. Just now, in fact, my oldest hardly watches it because she’s so eager to play outside after school. So nice to not have TV shows be a top priority.
My family has been without cable for 6 months now (we do have an antenna to catch an occasional sporting event) and I cannot even express how great it has been. We read, play games, walk, draw, talk more…it goes on and on. My kids do not even miss it. In fact, they enjoy being the “only ones in their classes who don’t watch television”. You are so right on when you said that watching t.v. is like watching other people (pretend) to live life…it is so much better out there living it!
We banned the TV two years ago. What happened? The World Wide Web took its place. My wife is moving out. The Improvement of our Married Life failed. But I don’t miss the TV…
We turned off cable before our daughter was born 15 months ago. We have drastically cut down on the amount of TV watching we do. Netflix did pick up our TV time a bit at first but now we’ve backed off that too. We’ve never had a TV in our bedroom intentionally and don’t plan on our kids having them either.
We need to get better about our computer time now (as my husband and I sit here each engrossed in our own laptops). :) This is an admitted weakness for both of us (oh, and our Blackberries). :)
Thanks for this great advice. My wife has already shown me that there is more to life than watching someone else live there lives. We both enjoy educational shows at times, but we have not become a slave to our television set. My personal opinion, there is more to finding out who you both are, with the quality time you both share.
Jumpbrk.com Breaking Old Patters
I agree, especially with the sleep more benefit and the living life instead of watching others life theirs. I’m a big fan of focusing on how to make your husband happy (and write about it on my site all the time) and a lot of husbands and wives everywhere would be happier with less tv.
I’ll put it like this – we got rid of the dish a couple years ago when my husband got laid off, and it was a strain on bills. Now we have more money and could get it back on, but have decided it’s not all that necessary. We do more together as a family, spend more time reading, and can put that money away for another car in the future, rather than buying it on credit. Which I LOVE.
What do we NEED? Food, shelter and each other. The rest is nice fluff, but it’s just fluff. And yeah… anxiety has gone down greatly without the noise of the media bombarding us.
very true, I agree completely,not only husband and wife relationship suffers bu other people in the surroundings also suffer because of television
My boyfriend and i are 22 and 23. The day we started dating we got rid of our tv. Best thing ever. It is unheard of for our generation to not have a tv people look at us like we are crazy. But we are so happy. We talk all the time, spend our time outdoors enjoying nature and have an amazingly strong relationship. If only more people would try this…