Post written by Zen Family Habits contributor Suzannah. Follow her on Twitter.
When it comes to schooling, do you expect your children to follow the same path you took?
My husband and I come from different educational backgrounds.
I went through the public school system, and finished university with two degrees. Both of my parents have university degrees.
My husband was homeschooled, and attended a technical college. He was the first in his family to go past the twelfth grade. Still, despite my more formal education, my husband’s longer years of service and experience mean he earns a larger salary than I do.
I see higher education as a means to open doors; my husband sees hard work and experience as more important than formal education.
Despite our preferences, we share aspirations of being able to eschew the 9-to-5 workday, and we hope our children will one day find ways to pursue the freedom of lifestyle we so desire.
Still, there are some important considerations we need to remember when thinking about the future of our children’s education:
1. Just because we do something, doesn’t mean our children should be expected to do the same. We cannot expect our children to attend college or university, just because we did. We should respect the paths our children choose. After all, by the time they decide to pursue those paths, they will be adults, themselves.
2. Just because we choose not to do something, doesn’t mean our children should be expected to do the same. On the other side of the spectrum, I’ve encountered people who look down on formal education. They’ve toiled to get where they are, and they expect their children to hold the same values. Just because we didn’t pursue post-secondary education doesn’t mean our children won’t want to.
3. A successful and comfortable professional life can be obtained by either higher education or work experience. There is no one path to success, and people excel in different areas. Each person will benefit by taking the most appropriate path to achieve his or her goals.
4. The definition of success is subjective. What your children grow to view as ’success,’ might be different from your own views. Your definition of success may include a secure job with a high salary, a big house and a fancy car. Someone else’s definition of success might be freedom of time and personal job satisfaction.
5. Ultimately, we want to see our children happy. Although we might think it would make us happy to see our children follow in our footsteps, if we force them to take a path they wouldn’t otherwise choose, they won’t thank us for it.
When my mother was young, she wanted to be a veterinarian. Her parents had other ideas–they wanted her to take over the family business. To this day, she regrets having acquiesced, and putting aside her educational goals to please her parents.
As a parent, no matter how much I’d like to see my children live up to their full potential, I don’t want to impose on them a lifetime of regret.
What are your wishes for your children’s education?
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Such an important topic! Thank you. The word ’success’ certainly can mean different things to different people. In the end, being successful means you have found your life’s passion and are doing ‘work’ that fills your soul. Allowing our children the freedom to find out what that is for THEM, is a real gift.
I wish (and work towards these ends) that my children will love God, are good spouses and parents, and are able to (honorably) provide for their families. How they make their living and learn to do the job is up to them and I will support them in their endeavors. I hope to instill a love of reading and life-long learning and let them choose the educational path that will meet their goals.
As a high school teacher at a Title I school we spend a lot of time talking to our students about post-secondary education – whether it’s college, certification, or an internship.
I completely agree with letting your children be their own people, with their own unique dreams. Supporting them is the best thing we can do as parents, and not expect them to live our ‘ideal life’. So often parents push too hard for their adult children to do things, even little things, the same way they did them. It is almost like they see your choice to be different as rejecting or looking down on theirs. I know when the time comes and my children are adults it will probably be very challenging to follow through, but I’m hoping I can keep this perspective in mind. :-)
I try very hard to just keep an open mind and let our kids find their right path. I certainly do not want them following the path that I had to navigate as a child and through my teen years. I grew up in poverty, and I think we can all state confidently that we don’t want our kids to experience those kind of tough times.
However, I do plan to share my story with them as it becomes age-appropriate, so they can realize it is up to them (and not the circumstances they may find themselves in) to get what they want out of life. And my wife and I will always be there to support them as they figure out just what that is and then go pursue it.
We have always felt and always told our children that we don’t care if they dig ditches, as long as they are happy, serve God and others. I think digging ditches is actually the ONLY job they have not had LOL!
We have already discussed this and no we do not expect it. If our child has the desire and temperment to be a plumber rather than going ot a 4 year university then it would be silly to try to force him to go to the dad’s or mom’s alma mater. I want my children to be their own person, not mini replica’s of me or my husband.
Just to throw a spanner in the works here… My ultimate goal is not that my children are happy. There are things I strive for with our family that are far more important than happiness.
Thank you all for your comments. It’s interesting to see such a variety of perspectives!
hmmmm…I would like my children to follow their passion. I think it will be my job to help them figure out what areas they feel they could excel at and enjoy. I would like them to some how enjoy learning, and be curious about the world around them. I do believe that people who enjoy something will tend to be better at it than others, because they do it more often (eg drawing, writing etc) But I also want them to think that if they put their mind to it, there is nothing stopping them from achieving great things.
Higher education does not automatically mean a higher salary. Very often someone receives one or more university degrees, works a few years, then takes several years off to raise a family (or at least is home during the preschool years). Their partner may have graduated high school and has worked at low paying service jobs ever since and ends up being the major breadwinner. To me, higher education means a better life — more enriched, complete. I wish a more enriched and complete life for my children, regardless of how much money they make (as long as it is adequate for basic living, of course!)
Expecting kids to follow our footsteps, or achieve something that parents could not, only leads to frustration on both sides. So, I pray and wish that I do not do that my kids. Timely post for me!!
We don’t expect our son to follow in our footsteps when he selects a career, but we do expect him to live up to a certain level of moral conduct. When he chooses his career, we only expect that he chooses to do what makes him happy.