Would You Fire You?


Photo courtesy of FotoRita.

Post written by Sherri Kruger. Follow me on Twitter.

I’m going to come out and say it: Being a stay at home mom is hard.

I say this not for sympathy, pity or to commiserate but as a statement of fact. There are days where I feel like supermom and I get an incredible amount of “stuff” done. Occasionally I have days where I don’t do a darn thing. If I’m not careful these days can extend into two days or three days or even a whole week. It’s at this point that I think “Wow if this was my job I wouldn’t keep me around!”

Being a stay at home mom is the ultimate self-employment gig of course without the pay check or health benefits.

Being self employed is tough and it takes the right kind of person to successfully pull it off. You need discipline to stick to deadlines since almost all are self imposed, you must set your own standards and live up to them, your time is yours to manage and if you don’t do something there’s no one there to cover for you.

I know I’m not alone in this. There are days when I am just completely exhausted. No excuses beyond that I’m just tired. It’s on these days that I force myself to re-group, re-focus and re-evaluate.

What is your role?

Take a few minutes to think about what your responsibilities are in your role, be it a stay at home parent or other wise. For me it includes the following:

  • General house keeping
  • Meal planning and preparation
  • Child care
  • Teaching my kids

Four points that’s it? … anyway.

Once you’ve listed out your duties, much like on a job description in, dare I say, the real world evaluate where you are.

Revisit your goals. What did you think you would accomplish in this role? Are you still on track? Have you slipped a little? Are you not living up to your own or mutually agreed upon expectations?

What’s going really well? What do you enjoy doing more than you initially thought you might? This may help you get a clear picture of what you’ve done, what direction you’re headed and if what you are actually doing is in line with the role you’ve taken on.

Get help when you need it. What do you need to be successful in this new role? Is there software, notebooks, or reference materials that could help? Remember that people are a fabulous resource as well. Seek out people who have been there before, who have built on or expanded an idea that can help you out. There’s no point in reinventing the wheel.

Now ask yourself based on all of the things you’ve listed out and had a chance to examine, would you fire you?

It may come across a bit harsh but look at it objectively. If I hired a house keeper, a personal chef and a nanny, looking at the state of my house right this very second would I fire any of them? Likely the housekeeper. :) Other days it would be the chef and on the rare occasion I would fire the nanny.

I like this little exercise because it gives me a chance to see what’s not working, where I may need a bit of help or inspiration, and where I need to pick up my game. My warning on all of this is to not be too hard on yourself. Life ebbs and flows. So while you may be rocking one aspect of your life another may not be so stellar. That’s okay. Go with it and check in occasionally.

Finally, celebrate. Celebrate your victories no matter how small. So you haven’t accomplished all you’ve set out to do. So what? Maybe you’ve finished some small yet significant task. Celebrate!

12 brilliant commentsadd a comment

Wendy Irene March 2, 2010 at 1:18 pm

Really appreciated such an honest post. I think using those times you are feeling not at your best to re-evaluate is a great way to turn things around. We are ever evolving and so are our goals and priorities. I completely agree that people are a great source of inspiration. Your posts inspire me, so a heartfelt thank you! Now I need to go re-evaluate if I would fire me as a dry-cleaner? :)

Sherri Kruger March 2, 2010 at 2:10 pm

Thank you so much Wendy. I find it challenging to be so honest at times so I’m glad you find it a source of inspiration. As of now I’d hire myself back as a housekeeper but I too must re-evaluate the dry cleaner ;) Have a great day!

Lindsey Eckert March 2, 2010 at 2:57 pm

I ask myself this question all the time! Sometimes the world of a SAHM can be just as competitive as the hustle and bustle of the “working” world. If you don’t get X, Y or Z checked off your list then you are lazy or not good enough. At the end of the day though, if I feel that I am doing a good job, and if my spouse feels the same way, then I can keep my job! It is a great way to re-evaluate and turn things around though in the challenging times, as Wendy said. Wonderful post!

Vina March 2, 2010 at 3:09 pm

Hi Sherri!
OH man, some days I would so fire myself! I don’t make the best housecleaner, or cook but I try my dang best. Somedays I literally think, would the real person in charge please come forward? Thanks for your honesty…always always appreciate other people sharing what they wrestle with because it is TOUGH. I love this job, but it is TOUGH.

Sherri Kruger March 2, 2010 at 3:17 pm

Hi Lindsey I think so many people struggle with the thoughts of being lazy and not good enough as a stay at home parent. I like how you said if you feel good and your spouse feels good at the end of the day then you’re doing a good job! That’s wonderful!

Hi Vina you may not be in the running for head chef any time soon but at least you’re giving it a shot … that’s HUGE! I’m glad you enjoyed this article as well everyone’s feedback so far is very encouraging! Thank you!

Suzannah-Write It Sideways March 2, 2010 at 4:22 pm

Not only would I fire myself for poor housekeeping, I think my husband would fire me if he could! I have never been good at laundry/dishes/cleaning, but I usually make ends meet. Since having my second child, I know I need to really sit down and get organized. I want to make a list of things to do every day (and a monthly meal planner) so I get a good balance of mommy time, housework, exercise, and writing. I think a little schedule posted on the wall could be immensely helpful.

Thank you, Sherri!

Vanessa March 3, 2010 at 12:10 am

beautiful perspective!

Rana March 3, 2010 at 10:17 am

Even though you say “Four points that’s it?” In each of those points is a million little things that need to be taken care of. We do what we can do and hope that our family appreciates what we are doing. These are great points and I love how you say Celebrate even if it’s something as simple as “Yes I got the laundry done today”. Sometimes we may want to fire ourselves, but at the end of the day who else is going to do all that we do for our family. We sure can’t quit. I know I don’t want to. Thanks Sherri!

Zengirl @ happy heart and mind March 3, 2010 at 6:51 pm

Sherri,

I know this too well, as also being SAHM of 2 kids, preschooler and infant, some days are so tough, some days I feel like quitting it all and other days are all worth it. Taking it one day at the time helps. How are you doing it?

Sherri Kruger March 3, 2010 at 10:26 pm

Hi Zengirl,
To be honest there are times when I feel like I’m not doing it. :) I try to focus on what matters, what *really* matters and limiting or eliminating what doesn’t. I’m far from perfect. I fail a million times a day but I keep getting up and I try to be a bit better the next time around.

Catherine B March 7, 2010 at 10:15 am

You hit the nail on the head. Staying at home IS hard. Some days I know going to work at a paying would be easier. That thought is gone quickly when I see my kids thriving and learning throughout the day.

It is a fun yet thankless job – thanks for the reminders about how to evaluate my work.

heidi @ wonder woman wannabe May 19, 2010 at 10:55 pm

This was great! I loved it so much, I linked to you today!

cheers!
~h

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