This is a guest post written by Barrie Davenport of Live Bold and Bloom.

If you have children under the age of 18, you may not remember the old television program, Leave It to Beaver. It was a family sitcom in the days when the mother (June) wore a dress with pearls and heals to do the dusting, and the master bedroom featured perfectly-made twin beds. Hmm.

The star of the show, Beaver, is a pre-pubescent boy who gets into all kinds of shenanigans like keeping an alligator in his bathtub and teasing his friend Lumpy (what’s with that name?).

Watching the re-runs now as an adult, I have noticed a brilliant parenting strategy on the part of June. Whenever Beaver pulls one of his stunts, her initial reaction is always the same — “Beaver, just wait until your father gets home.” Now there’s some consistent parenting. Delegate the hard stuff to dear old dad.

As a parent, you can probably sympathize with June’s strategy. When children start doing what they do, it would be so much easier to let someone else deal with it, especially the other parent involved. In the heat of the moment, when your beautiful precious one is tearing out his sister’s hair or screaming her lungs out at the grocery store because you have refused her the package of jumbo beef jerky, it’s hard to know exactly what to do.

Most of the time you just want to escape the situation because it’s just so unpleasant.

Scottie, beam me up, pleeeease! Even if you could just evaporate, it’s probably not legal, and eventually you will have to deal with the behavior that is most certainly bound to repeat itself.

After raising three children who are now teenagers (the youngest is 13), I have learned a few things the hard way. Before kids, I swore I’d never feed them chicken nuggets, own a minivan or live in the suburbs! I’ve since eaten my words and more than my share of leftover nuggets.

The most important thing I learned is that parenting is relatively simple if you focus on this one thing: consistency.

Being consistent is harder than is sounds, but the effort it takes is well-worth the long-term results. When children know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you say what you mean and mean what you say, their behavior rapidly falls in line. Without the yelling, arguing and tantrums. If you do your job.

It’s nearly impossible to be consistent when you are in a reactive mode. When you are angry or frustrated in the moment, it’s natural to yell, “You are grounded for life!” But later you might have to take that back. Not good.

The key to consistent parenting is preemptive planning.

As parents, you must determine the expectations and rules for your family that are comfortable for you and age-appropriate for your children. You know your children and the particular naughtiness du jour they use to torment you. If you dwell on your little darlings, you could easily list the expected behaviors that are likely to appear on any given day.

So instead of waiting for your husband or wife or whomever to come to your rescue, take action! Create a plan that let’s your children know exactly what to expect, while you remain a Zen parent — calm and in control.

Here are some strategies for creating a consistent parenting plan:

1. Set a meeting. If you are married, set a meeting with your spouse. If you are single, ask a trusted friend or family member to brainstorm with you. Look at the existing discipline issues you have with your children. What are your expectations for appropriate behavior around those issues? Write them down. Brainstorm other rules or behavior changes you would like to implement.

2. Determine consequences. Ultimately, you want your child to have internal control over his or her behavior. Appropriate consequences begin as an unpleasant reminder to children and later become a measuring stick for ethical actions, as you train your child’s conscience. Review your list of family rules and behavior changes, and think about consequences you would implement for infractions. As you consider the consequences, keep the following in mind:

• Are they age appropriate?
• Are they natural or logical based on the misbehavior?
• Are you able to consistently follow through with them?
• Will your child learn from the consequence?

3. Include your children. Once the adults in the family have met to outline rules and consequences, include your children in the discussion. Older children can have a voice in the discussion around family rules and consequences. Invite their input and ideas, and remain open to making realistic adjustments at their request. The more your children are engaged in the process, the less resistant they will be to accept and comply to the rules.

4. Clearly communicate the plan. After you have created a final plan for rules and consequences, write up a “contract” with your children. The written word has power and can serve as a visible reminder that there are rules and everyone knows them. Verbally review the rules and consequences with your children in a family meeting, and even ask them to sign the contract. Post it where everyone in the family can see it.

5. Expect the test. Now that you have a signed contract, do you expect your children will immediately transform into perfect angels? They are kids, and it’s their mission in life to test you. “Mom and Dad have created these goofy rules. That was a fun game, but now let the wild rumpus begin!” You know they are going to test you, so expect it. Now you have a perfect opportunity to put your plan into action.

6. No yelling necessary. When the bad behavior begins or the rule is broken, your initial reaction will be your fallback position — anger. Don’t fall into that trap. Remain Zen. Calmly walk your child to the fridge door or wherever you’ve posted the rules, and peacefully state, “I see you have broken our agreement about rule #4. The consequence we agreed to is . . . .” This may happen a few times before they really understand you mean business.

7. Don’t waffle or give in. Whatever you do — don’t break the pattern of consistency. Once your child knows that they can weasel their way around a rule or out of a punishment, they have your number. It will take you twice as long to regain the ground you lost with inconsistent consequences.

8. What if you’re wrong? Sometimes you might be unsure about a behavior problem or broken rule. When siblings argue, they always point the finger at the other. If you aren’t in the room, it’s hard to know the reality of the situation. Follow your instinct and knowledge of your children. But even if you are wrong, it won’t kill them to be punished occasionally when it’s not their fault. There will be plenty of times they get away with mischief you never know about!

9. Be flexible and make adjustments. There may be extenuating circumstances or situations in which you let something go. Explain that to your child, and let them know why you are making an exception. As time goes by, you may need to alter the rules or adjust the consequences. When children get older, naturally you will need to make adjustments. But you might find that some rules need tweaking or some consequences aren’t working. When you make any changes, be sure to implement the same family meeting process you did initially.

10. Don’t forget the praise. If you are consistently consistent, you will see your child’s behavior improve. Children like the security of knowing what to expect and having safe and predictable boundaries. With every step they make in the right direction, offer them love and praise for their accomplishments. The will soak it in and use that positive energy to continue to make you proud.

As the poet Kahlil Gibran reminds, “You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.” If you are a stable and consistent bow, your arrows will fly straight and far.

Barrie Davenport is a personal and career coach and founder of Live Bold and Bloom, a blog about bold and fearless living. Download her free ebook, How to Have a Meaningful Life.