Post written by Sherri Kruger. Follow me on Twitter.
Last week I wrote about how I’ve established a fairly peaceful home during the day with my two toddlers (ages 2 and 3).
Katie left the following comment:
“I’ve been working on developing routines with my almost 20 month-old daughter and 2 month-old son, but many days I struggle, especially lately – my daughter has started refusing her nap – she cries at the start of it and will fall asleep for maybe 20 minutes and then starts screaming at the top of her lungs – she is not getting the rest she needs, and I have lost my productive and personal time.
Our routine looks quite a bit like yours, with meals, the clean up times and activities, but I did notice you have something you call “quiet time” – this piqued my interest – do your children no longer nap? What constitutes “quiet time” and how did you go about establishing it with your children? I think this might just be what we are looking for – both for my daughter’s rest and my sanity.”
Thanks Katie and I feel your pain! :) My eldest son stopped napping at about 2 1/2 years. It was obvious that he still needed his rest and some down time without all the stimulation of the TV or radio or dogs running around or even me chatting and singing.
As nap times were coming to an end my son would do the same thing your daughter is doing. Flat out refuse. After a couple of weeks of giving in and just letting him stay up I was getting stressed and he was definitely over tired. It was my husband who suggested we try a quiet time instead of nap time. It worked like a charm.
First we explained to our son that it wasn’t nap time but it was quiet time, he was skeptical to say the least. He got a little storage box with a few toys and a book in it and he was able to have that in his bed with him. He didn’t have to sleep but he did need to be quiet (we had a 1 year old at that point who was still very keen on nap time). He tested us initially coming out of his room or peeking around the door and I just kept putting him back not saying anything. This went for a couple of days until he got the idea. After a couple of days, quiet time turned back into nap time. I suppose it was okay to him because it was now by his choice.
Both of my kids are quite happy to go into quiet time now and they still usually fall asleep. If they do, I leave them for however long they sleep for, if not, I usually get them after an hour. It’s a great recharging time for me and for them.
Sometimes all it takes is a bit of creativity, a fancy new term (quiet time as opposed to nap time) and a bit of flexibility to get the peace back. Is this the magic fix that will work from here on out? Of course not, but it works for us and it works for now so we’re going with it.
Do you have a similar experience to Katie? What have you tried? What’s worked and what hasn’t? Please share your thoughts below.
I started quiet time just before my daughter turned 2. We both needed a break and nap time was not a break for either of us with all the kicking and screaming. I was expecting a new baby and I knew it wasn’t going to work. I gave her a stack of books and renamed it quiet time and all was peaceful again (well, somewhat). Like Sherri said, sometimes she fell asleep and sometimes she didn’t. But she felt she had more control and that is very important to her. Now she’s 3 1/2 and we still do quiet time. I turn on a CD for her and she can get up when her CD is over (usually about 40 minutes). I plan to have quiet time until they go to school. We all need the break from each other (my 1 1/2 year old still naps beautifully–for now).
This is brilliant – I’m so glad I’ve found out about quiet time. My daughter is 19 months and still naps but she is up so early in the mornings, I was really dreading how we were going to fill our whole day without some sort of break when she did decide to give up her nap. This is a lovely idea, CDs or books or some quiet toys in the bedroom…May work, may not but at least I have a plan for when the dreaded day comes that she doesn’t want to sleep in the day any more! Thanks!
Oh yes, we have rest/quiet time ’round our parts for sure! It’s a necessity! :)
Even my 5 yr old still has rest time when he’s on vacation from school or home during the day on weekends. It’s good for ALL of us to have that little break.
Also, both my boys went through a phase of not napping around 2 1/2 or early 3 only to go back to napping within a few weeks. Don’t be too quick to rule it out completely. Usually, I’d allow them to only look at books in their bed at that age and eventually they’d fall asleep. I think a good rule of thumb to confirm that naps are indeed on their way out is when children have a hard time falling asleep at their regular bedtime (consistently) when they’ve naped during the day. This can be a weaning process – like not letting them nap as long for a time as well…
I use quiet time too. My daugher sometimes sleep, sometimes not, it´s up to her. Usually on Mondays she gets over tired when she comes back from school and sleeps.
I lay down with her with a book or we watch a video together (not so quiet?), while I read my book.
Lovely.. I’m going to file this away for the future.. Right now, my toddler (2.8) still naps in the afternoon which keeps me organized and sane:-) But from the look of things, chances are she may give up her nap as well.. Thanks for sharing this Sherri!
I do this too. My daughter stopped taking naps at age 2, so now I just put her in her bedroom with a few non-noisemaking toys/books and she plays quietly for about 2-3 hours. I watch her on the baby monitor while I work to make sure she’s okay. It seems that not forcing the sleeping was key. When I’d try to keep her in the bed she’d just cry. Anyway, I also have a 1 year old baby so keeping the house quiet for his naptime was important too.
For children who have outgrown naps and absolutely refuse to get into bed, you can consider creating a quiet space other than the bed. A blanket on the floor in the corner with pillows, small stuffed animals and a small shelf for books can be a very inviting and calming space. You can also turn the overhead light down or completely off. A lamp or even just the sun coming in through the windows can provide enough soft light to enjoy books or quiet play.
My kids are all but grown, the youngest is 17, but something we had from when they were little was a stack or a small basket of books in their bed or beside it as they got a little older. They were allowed the stay in their beds and read, and if they woke early in the mornings before I was up, they could read. We started out with board books with the littlest ones and progressed to picture books and then chapter books! This saved my sanity, and my kids grew up to be avid readers!
Bernice
http://livingthebalancedlife.com/2010/afraid-to-let-people-in/
When mine were toddlers (none now, sniff sniff :( ) I would have “room time” every day. I usually did this about 3-5 o’clock, depending on the mood of the day and our family schedule. I would make each child go in their room and they could do WHATEVER they wanted for about an hour. Legos, books, dolls, sleep, play, whatever. It just had to be semi-quiet and THEY HAD TO ABSOLUTELY STAY IN THEIR ROOM THE WHOLE TIME.
The only exceptions to the rule were the B’s: Bleeding, Barfing, Bowel Movements ha ha ha :)
I used that time to get dinner started or pick up the house. Once we got into the routine of room time with toddlers & preschoolers it was a big hit. They craved it almost as much as I did. I think it was because it was completely their time to pick and choose and I did not meddle.
Of course to do this you need to have a baby/toddler proof bedroom and a smaller house where you can HEAR what’s going on. I have friends who took my idea and kept the childs door open but with a baby gate so that they knew they had to “stay” inside and not venture out.
Don’t overdo room time. If you go much longer for an hour it will become a chore. One hour is very do-able for toddlers and preschoolers and like I said, they’ll eventually love it!
I am definitely going to try ‘quiet time’ with both my 5 and 21/2 year old over the Christmas holidays. It is such an exciting time for them that nerves start to fray and it can very easily turn out to be bedlam as they tire of each other. Jo (simplybeingmum – “family life simply done”)
Such a great post and a good reminder about how we all need quiet time to recharge–even adults!
Our family has incorporated quiet time into our day ever since our boys stopped napping. They are now 6 & 4. We have quiet time from approximately 1:30 – 3:30 PM at which time they stay in their own rooms. When I first started “training” them for quiet time and they weren’t napping, I would place a few piles of activities on the floor in their room. They could choose from books, puzzles, a hot wheels track, Legos, etc. This allowed them to have a break from each other, but have control over the activity.
I cherish this time to get some work done (and my brain experiences a spa-like moment with the silence), but I see how important it is for my boys to have time apart and recharge for the bewitching hour–afternoon/dinner (which is another post altogether!).
Thanks for sharing a part of you and your family with us. :-)
Thanks so much for this post, Sherri. My two are very active boys and I have been trying quiet time all together which hasn’t been working (ages 2 and 4). My 4 year old has slowly become less anxious about spending time in a room alone and so I thought I would introduce this today as a new thing for all of us and it worked well. Neither of them nap much anymore but they stayed in their rooms with activities for about 20 minutes. Bliss! I think a new routine has been born :-) As Charmin said above, we all need quiet time apart to recharge – children and adults.