Post written by Sherri Kruger. Follow me on Twitter.
Remember a time when you were madly in love? There wasn’t anything your partner could do to annoy you.
You hung on their every word and you heart skipped a beat when you saw them across a crowded room.
But what happens when the magic is gone? What happens when life happens and you slowly lose touch and get out of synch?
I think it’s fair to say the magic fades for nearly everyone. As I said life happens and we slowly disconnect as the realities of everyday take over our mind, zap our energy and steal our focus.
I have a great husband and a great relationship but that’s not to say we don’t slowly drift apart, lose touch and “wake up” a few days later thinking “whoa where have you been?” Sometimes in relationships this drifting can go on for far too long and if not addressed can lead to the great marital divide.
It doesn’t have to be this way. With a little awareness and a desire to get things back on track you can reconnect with your partner very easily.
Talk. This is the easiest and most beneficial thing you can do to get back in touch with your partner. Carve out an hour in the evening and just talk. Tell your partner what you’re feeling and ask if they’ve even noticed. Ask what they’ve been up to, what they feel, what they need from you.
Make a plan. I for one, feel better when I feel we’re on the same team. By the same team I mean we’re working together or planning for something in the future. It could be a camping trip a few months down the road, dinner next week or an activity for the weekend.
Bond over a common interest. Watch a movie neither of you have seen before, go to a concert, or enjoy a slow dinner like a fondue. I’m sure there are a lot of things you can do that you both enjoy.
Reminisce. This is a natural place to go when you feel you’ve been growing apart from your spouse. Think about it … what is the question so many of us ask … “What happened to us?” This is an immediate portal to the past when times where different, perhaps better. Go with it, talk about what you used to do and what things used to be like. What did you like the most? What did you like the least? How can you work to getting it back?
Time has a funny way of changing things, people and situations. Sometimes the change is for the better and sometimes it’s not. That’s life. But if you care about the person you’re with and the relationship you are in I believe it’s worth giving it everything you’ve got to change it and make it better.
Have you ever been in a similar situation where you feel the magic is gone? How have you worked to get it back?
Since my hubby and I will celebrate our 30th anniversary this year, I can tell you for certain there have been MANY times when the magic seems gone.
One thing I will recommend is that you do take time to spend together. It has to be intentional and even scheduled. While that may seem unromantic, when you are in the midst of a busy life raising your family, if you wait around for the magic to *magically* happen, you’ll probably be waiting a LONG time. Do little things that are special to each other. For instance, I love fresh flowers, but we are also on a tight budget. We grocery shop together, but he always goes by the reduced flower bin and gets a bouquet for me, every week.
Bernice
Get enough sleep
Wow Bernice congratulations! 30 years that a good long time! You’re absolutely right that waiting for the magic to just happen doesn’t work, it actually requires a lot of effort. Something as simple as fresh cut flowers can make all the difference. Thanks for sharing a bit of your story and for showing us how it’s done :)
That is awesome Bernice, it’s not a huge thing in the big scheme of things but it would make me feel so special…
I am trying to make more time but it is very hard with a hubby who is very easily distracted by work or hobbies. But I will persevere, we are on our 10th year this year!
My super wife and I have been married for 14 years this year. Although I have put on some weight recently, I often show her old photos of myself when I was quite trim to remind her of how lucky she is.
Ironic – today is my 14th wedding anniversary. When we’re feeling disconnected from each other one of us inevitably declares it’s time for a date. We go some place simple, but with an atmosphere in which we can talk and re-connect without distractions.
My hubby has lost weight and it just hangs (abs) and it such a physical turn off! I have photos of him when he was in his 30′s and he’s gorgeous. He’s let his hair get grey/white, can’t b bothered to colour. I miss the man I met, moved in with and married.