Solutions To Living With A Grump

Are you living with a grumpy spouse or partner?

We all do at times. To think we can all be happy and cheerful all the time is unrealistic. We all get moody, we all have triggers, and we can all pout with the best of them.  Maybe things aren’t going our way or maybe our health isn’t as good as it should be. Perhaps we are  going through a significant lifestyle changes like:

• starting a family
• becoming a stay at home parent
• moving to a new home, city, country
• retiring
• kids leaving home

While we can’t control how our partner feels, reacts or responds there are things we can do to reduce some of the unpleasantness that comes with living with a grumpy old man or woman.

1. Space. Sometimes people need space. They need room to breathe and think and figure out what’s actually going on. This isn’t true of everyone, I know I would rather talk through things and explore thoughts and ideas as to what could possibly be going on. This is not so for a lot of people. Next time your spouse is being a grump leave them be for a while, give them some space physically and mentally. Asking someone repeatedly “what’s wrong?” can make them feel anxious and trapped. Leave it for a day or two and if their mood doesn’t improve then try talking to them about it.

2. Exercise. Encourage your spouse to exercise. Not only is exercise good for you physically it can actually do wonders for boosting your mood. Try suggesting one or two of the following the more social the activity the better:

• walking nightly
• joining a gym
• swimming
• martial arts class
• bootcamp
• walk the dog
• join a local sport team

3. Get an animal. If the moodiness stems from a lowered self-esteem caused by feelings of not being needed, not playing a pivotal role in anything or not having a purpose (common feelings in people who have recently retired), consider getting a pet.

Pet ownership can create feelings of being needed, companionship and create a sense of purpose for those who may be feeling cast aside and flailing with this new found freedom. Watching a cat or dog at play can be relaxing and reduce stress. Responsible dog ownership includes walking your furry friend so exercise is naturally incorporated and obedience training can be both a fun and social activity.

4. Lend a sympathetic ear. When the mood doesn’t pass and space isn’t what your partner needs, lend a sympathetic ear. Listen to what they say without necessarily trying to solve the problem. Sometimes we just need to be heard, to be validated and to feel like we still matter. Some of these conversations can be a bit heavy so consider ending these conversations with a discussion of what your day or week looks like or reminisce and take a trip down memory lane.

Sometimes when we’re down looking at everything we’ve accomplished to get where we are now can change your perspective and make things not seem so dire.

5. Create a new routine. A lot of times moodiness stems from boredom. We get stuck in a rut, angry that life sucks and nothing’s exciting. Guess what? WE have the power to change it! Simple changes to our daily routines can change our outlook quite drastically.

Get up early, or sleep in, meet a friend or relative for brunch, take a different route to work, pick up dinner on the way home, read a book in a park, introduce yourself to a new neighbour. There are many little things you can do to change up the same old boring day.

6. Get out of the house. This is a big one for me. I’m naturally a home body. I love being at home or close to home. When I became a stay at home mom this natural tendency to be at home started reeking havoc on my moods and I was becoming a bit of a hermit.

If you are affected in a similar way force yourself to get out. It may be the last thing you feel like doing but trust me it’s so important. Go to the mall, pick up some groceries, sit in a bookstore or coffee shop, do anything that brings you joy that is outside of your home.  If it’s your spouse, ask them to run errands for you or meet you for lunch.

It’s not easy living with grumpy people and it’s not easy being that grumpy person. If you want to work your way out of a bad mood or out of a grumpy lifestyle consider trying a few points I mentioned above.

Being moody is one thing being depressed is something far different. If you think you or your spouse is depressed I urge you to seek professional help.

What do you do to get yourself out of a bad mood? How do you help or encourage your spouse out of theirs?