Post written by Sherri Kruger. Follow me on Twitter.

Let’s face it when you’re trying to play with an infant or toddler it never really goes according to plan, at least that’s been my experience.

I look at some articles and photos of young kids playing and engaging in some pretty neat and innovative activities. They way the articles make it sound is some of these activities will keep kids busy and quiet for hours. Yeah right. Here are a few of my experiences to date.

Painting with water. I went to the dollar store and bought a couple of bowls and paint brushes so the boys could spend the day outside painting the deck or the fence and just doing something that’s different to anything they’ve ever done before.

Expectation: The boys and I would head outside and spend a few minutes (stretch to an hour maybe) painting the fences. Starting over at the beginning when the fence dried.

Reality: The boys and I headed outside they thought the water in the bowls was cool. They watched me show them how to paint and then gave it a try themselves. Once. They then dumped the water and proceeded to suck on the paint brushes. All up this little activity lasted about 2 minutes and that include sucking on the paint brushes.

Drawing with washable markers. I tried starting with crayons but it would seem Labrador retrievers love Crayons. Yeah. So I moved to washable markers. I thought it would be nice for the boys to get creative, doodle and work on their shapes.

Expectation: The boys and I would sit down and draw shapes, faces, animals and practice our colors at the same time.

Reality: The kids hoarded the markers, removed all the lids, chewed them until they couldn’t go back on the markers but not before trying and getting marker all over their clothes, legs and arms. I’m still not sure if they actually got any on the paper.

Play dough. This is a fun one. The kids are meant to roll and pound and make all sorts of interesting animals and shapes. When I was a kid I remember playing with play dough for hours (although my mom may remember it differently).

Expectation: Divvy up the play dough and let the kids play to their hearts’ content.

Reality: On one occasion the  play dough was packed up just as quickly as I had brought it out and I was told, rather enthusiastically, “DONE!” Another time they started out playing fine and it was going really well for about 5 minutes. It then quickly deteriorated to throwing play dough at each other and stealing it from one another.  Once that was resolved, enter the Labrador retriever for round two.  The boys decided that eating the play dough themselves wasn’t much fun so they recruited the dog!

Now you may think “why would you let your kids eat play dough or feed it to the dog?” Well I can assure you that none of it was by choice. Kids are quick (all parents know that) and the only thing quicker than a kid is a Labrador retriever around anything remotely edible.

Fun activities that I have found to keep their interest (mine are 1 1/2 and 3 years) are anything to do with water and the sandbox. Fill a little pool with a couple of inches of water and add a bunch of cups, buckets and toys my little ones are literally in there for hours. They also love playing with their trucks, shovels and buckets in the sandbox.  Filling the trucks and dumping them out again. Good fun!

So next time you try to get your kids involved and engaged in play and expect them to be enthralled for more than 2 minutes remember it doesn’t always go according to plan. Adjust your expectations, go with the flow and let them make up their own fun.

What’s been your experience in playing with infants or toddlers? Does it sound anything like mine?

Post written by Sherri Kruger. Follow me on Twitter.

There was an interesting theme amongst the responses to the quick survey I did a couple of weeks ago – (thank you to everyone who took the time to complete the survey and if you would still like to have a say it’s not too late, you can still find it here).

There were a lot of people who felt they were struggling with organization, time management, and just generally keeping it all together.

Reading these responses I could feel the anxiety, stress and, to a certain extent, despair coming from a lot of you. One thing is for certain.

None of you are alone.

When I was younger I started out trying to uphold an image. This image was one of perfection, intelligence, and in general just having everything together … all the time. Some people who know me well may be thinking “Really? well you didn’t do a very good job”. Others that didn’t know me as well may have thought differently.

Truth is, it’s exhausting! It’s exhausting to pretend to be something you’re not and living to an imaginary standard that you think “everyone else” is holding you to is crazy.

No one that matters will think any less of you if you forget things occasionally, have a pile of unfolded laundry in the corner or a bunch of kids toys strewn about your living room.

No one that matters really and truly cares if you have a fancy car, big house, fancy clothes or make a gazillion dollars a year.

No one that matters will think you’re not quite good enough.

Give some quality thought towards appreciating who you are and what you bring to the table in every aspect of what you do. Even if it’s something that a million other people can do, how do you do it differently, better or with more pizazz?

Give yourself permission to give yourself a break, even a little one. Who’s standards are you really trying to live up to? Who is it you’re trying to impress? When you’re saying yes to all of these things you “need” to be doing what or who are you saying no to?

I’m still sorting through the results of the survey but I will post a summary here and address some specific concerns when I’ve made a little more sense of the data. Thanks again everyone! You all rock!

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Joshua Becker of Becoming Minimalist.

“Justice is the crowning glory of the virtues.” – Marcus Tullius Cicero

Good parents are intentional parents. They understand that their parenting decisions today shape the lives of their children in the future. Whether we do it intentionally or unintentionally, strategically or haphazardly, our choices will inevitably shape the lives of our children as adults.

Most of us already know that to be true. That is why we discipline them when they disobey – so they will become responsible adults. That is why we help them with their homework – so they will value education. And that is why we enroll them in sports, dance, and summer camps – so they will become well-rounded, successful human beings.

Our choices steer our children’s lives. How then do we guide them towards a concern for others and a desire for justice in our world? How do we raise a child who stands up against unfair practices, gives to those in need, speaks for the voiceless, defends the innocent, and does not blame the victim?

The answer may not be as complicated as one might think. Raising a justice-minded child may not be that much different than raising a child who values athletics, academics, or art. The same principles apply.

The problem is that society champions athletes, academics, and artists. It gives trophies to athletes, awards to academics, and accolades to artists. Our schools offer classes for academics, after-school clubs for artists, lessons for dancers, and coaches for athletes. But rare is the community that champions justice. As a result, we as parents need to take the lead in raising justice-minded kids and take it upon ourselves to accomplish that goal.

To help us accomplish that goal in our child’s life (no matter their age), consider including these four intentional principles in our parenting:

1. Embrace the idea of a justice-minded child. Wise parents give significant thought to what type of person they are raising. They make their choices intentionally. And then they strategically steer their children down that road. In the same way, raising a justice-minded child begins with a decision to raise a justice-minded child. This first step is absolutely essential and can not be overstated. Giving up your privilege for the rights of others is a counter-cultural mindset. It will not be found until is deliberately sought.

2. Exemplify a justice-minded life for your child. Our children are watching. They are noticing our lives. And our actions speak a thousand times louder than our words. Simply put, if our children don’t see us model a concern for social justice in our own life, they are not going to care about it either – and it would be unreasonable to assume that they would. On the other side, if they see us model social justice, compassion, and service on a regular basis then they are going to realize the importance of it. So offer to make a meal for the family of an unemployed friend, buy extra Christmas gifts for the orphan, take a stand against corporations that exploit children, and speak up for those without a voice. Your son or daughter will notice… they always do.

3. Expose your child to the issues of social justice in your community and around the world. I love the idea of a son who appreciates baseball. Because of that, I take him to baseball games, we play catch in the backyard, and talk about it at the dinner table. I know exactly what I’m doing… I’m teaching him to value the sport so that we can enjoy it together as he gets older. In the same way, if we want to raise justice-minded children, we need to expose them to issues in our community and around the world that demonstrate the need for justice. Talk about it at the dinner table. Get a children’s book from the library that raises the issue. Find a movie that portrays injustice and discuss it afterwards. Organize a time to serve as an entire family – your children are never too young to be exposed to the needs of others in our world.

4. Encourage them as they get involved. The old saying is still true, “What gets rewarded gets done.” One of the greatest ways to motivate our children towards an end is by using encouraging, positive words. That is why every time they clean up their toys or dirty laundry, we praise them – so that they continue down the road they started. When you see your child display a concern for justice (which they inevitably will if you follow through on the other first three principles), be sure to praise them loudly and consistently. After all, an act of justice towards a fellow human being deserves a far greater applause than hitting a baseball.

The author, Hodding Carter, Jr. once said, “There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots. The other is wings.” Give your children firm roots in the importance of standing up for those who can’t… and watch them soar to create a better world than they found.

Joshua Becker blogs at Becoming Minimalist and is the author of Simplify. 7 Guiding Principles to Help Anyone Declutter Their Home and Life.

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Sandrine of the Paris Ankara Express blog.

Put it this way: if the Buddha were to visit our home, he wouldn’t exactly be impressed by our Zen like attitude to worldly possessions. Matter of fact, he might think he accidentally teleported to the Covered Bazaar in Istanbul. That or a library. But we still think we know a thing or two about minimalism when it comes to children’s toys.

I can pretty much list what our kids have. We store most their toys in medium sized boxes. There’s a box of small cars, one for the tea set, one for Lego and one for doll house type toys. There’s a big box with the bigger cars and a couple of electronic toys. Then there’s the doll house we made for our son, a tin full of refillable bubble mixture pots, a box of wooden bricks, a couple of wheelie toys, a fold up play tent, a plastic garage, a Teletubbies house and a few musical instruments (mostly percussions). Add to that some cuddly toys on their beds, a cupboard full of board games and jigsaw puzzles and that’s it.

So it may sound like a lot, but I challenge any moderately affluent parent to list all of their children’s toys in one hundred words! Most people will have a room full of toys representing each year’s latest craze as advertised on tv. And I don’t mean extravagant people either. It just seems that for most families, it’s increasingly hard to keep a lid on how many toys the children end up with. There’s grandparents, for one thing. And birthday parties. And all the adverts on tv for new, more exciting toys. There’s the marketing that goes with every new film – you need to see the film, and you need to buy the toy that goes with it. And mostly, there’s the fact that kids tend to get bored with their toys and forget what they were good for in the first place. To be able to play, they need new ones.

How can parents deal with that? Well, for us, it’s easy to put limits to what grandparents bring: we live in another country from them and the postal service isn’t that reliable or cheap. So they have to be fairly selective in their present buying. As far as parties are concerned, we tend to celebrate our kids’ birthdays at the same time, mostly with local people who know what they’ve got, what they like and what they don’t like. So no huge plastic, vastly inappropriate toys usually find their ways to our house. (And if they do, they find their way out again very quickly!) But you can find excuses to tell parents not to buy something: say someone else has already bought it! And if you can get your kids on your side, all the better. Be a team – get them to work with you and to value quality over quantity.

We have had barbie dolls, inevitably, as friends gave them to our daughter. She was never that much into them (not even to cut their hair!) and ended up giving them out as a Christmas charity gift. That is something most kids like to do – sharing their surplus with less fortunate children. So you feel that a surplus of toys is on its way, why not start talking to your children about how they can help others? Children love to share – give them a chance.

Mostly what made a difference to how we related to toys as a family is that when we first arrived in Turkey with a 15 month old child, we had very few toys. And there weren’t many on sale at our local store. So we took great care of what we had, made sure we taught our daughter to make the most of it. We still had most of the toys we came with (except the baby toys which we gave away once our son had outgrown them). We still have the bricks, the percussions, the tea set. We have toys we were given when our children were very young, including our son’s teletubbies house set, with no piece missing. If you look after their toys, and encourage them to do the same, chances are they’ll treasure them.

Actually, we did lose Tinky-Winky a few weeks ago. We thought it would be the end of the world but it turned out a paper cut Tinky-Winky, roughly coloured with a purple pencil, and hence easily replaced, was perfectly acceptable. Which brings me to the next point. Our children love their toys, but they much prefer pencils, papers, glue and scissors. They both spend hours in imaginative and creative, and mostly silent play at our living room table, with just a few bits of papers and two pots of pencils. In fact, it’s so much part of who they are, that we never go anywhere without a small pouch containing drawing necessities. I can see it poking out of my bag now. And it’s not just our kids that like this. Very often we find ourselves sharing out the paper and pens with children we’ve never met before, at restaurants, the airport, anywhere where kids get bored and are likely to misbehave. So invest in plenty of scrap paper and coloured pencils, and have some ready at all times.

So I don’t want to give the impression that our kids are happy with a cardboard box and bit of string and that I could throw away all their toys if I wanted to, or that they spend their time in quiet, creative, imaginative play with hand crafted wooden organic toys from a Swedish village. I don’t think I’d want them to be like that. But they do seem to manage with a lot less toys than children their age they know in France or the UK.

Sometimes it doesn’t work: I often promise my son small gifts if he gets a number of sticker on his chart, something which the special educators at the autism centre encourage. A lot of the time he’ll ask for bubble mixture or pencils. One day I stupidly suggested he choose a little car in the toy section of the supermarket. So off we went to look at them. He picked a lime green one. As big as him. I think to this day he hasn’t forgiven me for saying no.

Sandrine who lives in Turkey, writes together with her sisters, who live in Paris at the Paris Ankara Express blog. Sandrine writes about her family’s life in Turkey, raising trilingual children, working, and travelling.

Post written by Sherri Kruger. Follow me on Twitter.

The online world is vast. Think of anything and I’m pretty sure there’s already a website dedicated to it. There are sites dedicated to helping you be more productive and organized and sites that provide guidelines for whether or not we should eat the food in our fridge that has been there for over a week .

I get particularly excited when I find a real gem of a site that either makes my life easier, provides entertainment or is just plain useful.

So my question is: What are your favorite online resources?

I’m not talking only family related sites either. Feel free to list any little gem of a site you’ve found and get value from. This is a family site however so please be tasteful and respectful :)

Please share in the comments. There’s 5,600 of you … share those gems. :)

Post written by Sherri Kruger. Follow me on Twitter.

We’re not perfect, as parents or as people.

If we were I would suspect life would be rather boring. We all make mistakes all of which are valuable lessons to be learned.

We may not be the model parent, sibling, spouse, or friend but it’s not too late to start over. Today is a new day. Make the choice to make today better than the ones before.

Let go, forgive yourself, apologize if you need to, refocus and move on.

What can you do to start over today?

• Call a friend just to catch up.
• Hug your child and tell them you love them.
• Surprise your spouse at work with a cup of coffee or a picnic lunch.
• Get on the floor and play with your kids.
• Make up a new game with your kids or take them to the park.
• Snuggle on the couch after dinner and hold your spouses hand.
• Go for a walk outside and strike up a conversation with a neighbor.
• Apologize to someone you’ve wronged and make amends.
• Make plans to celebrate a birthday.
• Invite the whole family over for a kick off to summer BBQ in your backyard.
• Tackle one thing on your to-do list and then tomorrow tackle two.
• Read a story to your kids and sing to them when you tuck them in at night.

There are many simple things you can do to realign yourself with who you want to be, and indeed know you can be.  If you feel you’ve gone off course lately don’t panic and don’t think you can never recover because you can.

It doesn’t take much to get back on track and the people in your life (yourself included) will be thankful for your initiative.

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Neal Frankle of Wealth Pilgrim.

You can strengthen and grow as a family –especially when times are tough and you face financial stress. Your children don’t have to be afraid or unsure. In fact, you can make the most impact on them and help them develop inner strength in times of difficulties.

I know a little about this subject.

When my father was faced with bankruptcy my parents didn’t do what I’m suggesting you do. He didn’t talk about it –even though everyone knew we were in trouble. The problem was, as kids, we had no idea what kind of trouble we were in. We didn’t know if we were going to be homeless or even broken up as a family. Maybe my parents didn’t want to worry us but worried we were.

You don’t have to in bankruptcy to benefit. If you’re facing financial pressure, don’t make the mistake my parents made. Here is an action plan that will empower your entire family:

1. Understand what’s going on. You are the captains of the ship. Your children want to know they have a strong leader who knows what’s going on at the helm. If you don’t know the extent of the problem the kids don’t either. But their imaginations will take over however. They’ll inflate the problem if you aren’t able to put it into perspective. Is debt the problem? Are you spending too much? How bad is the problem? What does it mean? Are you going to have to move? Where to? When? These are the questions they are asking themselves so be prepared with answers.

2. Get help before you give it. You’re going through the equivalent of an emotional juicer. You’re being squeezed from every angle. Don’t try to ignore it. Before you talk to your kids, talk to a close friend or therapist. Let it all hang out. Tell them how you feel. Sad. Angry. Afraid. Whatever.

Cry if you want to. It’s much better to get your emotions aired out before you talk to the kids. Your fear is the fuel that runs their imagination. Deal with your feelings so they manageable when you speak with your children.

3. Hammer out your plan. I alluded to the questions your kids are asking themselves.

What is the problem?

What does it mean?

Will you have to move?

Where?

When?

What has to happen before things improve?

When will that be?

Make sure you can answer all these questions before you call everyone together. If you don’t have the answers, talk to a trusted family friend or adviser and get the answers. Really be impeccable with your homework in this area.

4. Have the talk. My personal experience is that kids imagine a worst-case scenario that far exceeds reality. Like many people, my income dropped big time in 2008. My kids were really frightened. They had no idea how bad things were or how the new reality would impact our future as a family.

I went through the items above. I told them what the problem was (reduced income from my business) and what it meant (reduced discretionary spending).

I told them that our family vacations would be on ice and that certain luxury items would be eliminated for each of us.

I’ll be frank. Before I sat down to explain it to my children I was scared stiff. I figured they’d throw a fit and complain.

I couldn’t have been more mistaken.

What they threw instead were their arms around me in relief.

If you are facing some hardships, get prepared and then talk about it with your kids. Tell them what the problem is and what your plan is.

Have you faced similar difficulties? What was your experience?

This is a guest post by Neal Frankle. He writes about his personal jouney (from homeless to homeowner) and professional experience as a CFP. After reading this post, sign up to get his updates at Wealth Pilgrim.

Post written by Sherri Kruger. Follow me on Twitter.

I’m going to come out and say it: Being a stay at home mom is hard.

I say this not for sympathy, pity or to commiserate but as a statement of fact. There are days where I feel like supermom and I get an incredible amount of “stuff” done. Occasionally I have days where I don’t do a darn thing. If I’m not careful these days can extend into two days or three days or even a whole week. It’s at this point that I think “Wow if this was my job I wouldn’t keep me around!”

Being a stay at home mom is the ultimate self-employment gig of course without the pay check or health benefits.

Being self employed is tough and it takes the right kind of person to successfully pull it off. You need discipline to stick to deadlines since almost all are self imposed, you must set your own standards and live up to them, your time is yours to manage and if you don’t do something there’s no one there to cover for you.

I know I’m not alone in this. There are days when I am just completely exhausted. No excuses beyond that I’m just tired. It’s on these days that I force myself to re-group, re-focus and re-evaluate.

What is your role?

Take a few minutes to think about what your responsibilities are in your role, be it a stay at home parent or other wise. For me it includes the following:

• General house keeping
• Meal planning and preparation
• Child care
• Teaching my kids

Four points that’s it? … anyway.

Once you’ve listed out your duties, much like on a job description in, dare I say, the real world evaluate where you are.

Revisit your goals. What did you think you would accomplish in this role? Are you still on track? Have you slipped a little? Are you not living up to your own or mutually agreed upon expectations?

What’s going really well? What do you enjoy doing more than you initially thought you might? This may help you get a clear picture of what you’ve done, what direction you’re headed and if what you are actually doing is in line with the role you’ve taken on.

Get help when you need it. What do you need to be successful in this new role? Is there software, notebooks, or reference materials that could help? Remember that people are a fabulous resource as well. Seek out people who have been there before, who have built on or expanded an idea that can help you out. There’s no point in reinventing the wheel.

Now ask yourself based on all of the things you’ve listed out and had a chance to examine, would you fire you?

It may come across a bit harsh but look at it objectively. If I hired a house keeper, a personal chef and a nanny, looking at the state of my house right this very second would I fire any of them? Likely the housekeeper. :) Other days it would be the chef and on the rare occasion I would fire the nanny.

I like this little exercise because it gives me a chance to see what’s not working, where I may need a bit of help or inspiration, and where I need to pick up my game. My warning on all of this is to not be too hard on yourself. Life ebbs and flows. So while you may be rocking one aspect of your life another may not be so stellar. That’s okay. Go with it and check in occasionally.

Finally, celebrate. Celebrate your victories no matter how small. So you haven’t accomplished all you’ve set out to do. So what? Maybe you’ve finished some small yet significant task. Celebrate!

Post written by Sherri Kruger. Follow me on Twitter.

How many times have you put off doing something because “now is not a good time”?

We get stuck waiting for the best moment to do things, for when circumstances are good, for when we’re ready.

Thing is, there’s never a “good” time.

There will never be a good time to finish high school, college, or university.

There will never be a good time to buy a house, start a family or get a dog.

There will never be a good time to say good-bye, walk away or quit.

There will never be a good time for bad things to happen.

There will never be a good time to pay off debt, invest or build an emergency fund.

There will never be a good time to have a tough conversation, to say I’m sorry or I love you.

There will never be a good time to change a habit, start exercising, or eating better.

There will never be a good time to get sick, have down time or take a vacation.

There will never be a good time to give bad news, or to get bad news.

There will never be a good time to head out on your own and start your own business.

There will never be a good time to get outside, visit a relative or make amends.

There will never be a good time …

Post written by Zen Family Habits contributor Suzannah. Follow her on Twitter.

There are many different theories about learning styles and multiple intelligences. Each underscores the idea that we are all individuals, with unique ways of learning and perceiving the world.

While you needn’t endorse any one of these theories in particular, it’s important to understand the ideas behind them. No two children think alike, act alike, react alike. Treating children the same, and teaching them in the same ways, can be detrimental to their learning, as well as their confidence.

Consider each individual’s unique abilities as learning strengths.

Some of the different types of styles/strengths are:

• Visual. Learning through pictures, diagrams, video, printed materials
• Physical. Using one’s hands and body to learn new concepts
• Auditory/Musical. The ability to learn through listening to speech and sounds, or to apply musical knowledge to other areas of learning
• Logical. Seeing things from a logical, scientific or mathematical standpoint
• Interpersonal. Connecting with others on a meaningful level, and to learning through interaction
• Intrapersonal. Learning through self-awareness and reflection

This is, by no means, an exhaustive list of the different learning styles, and there’s no black-and-white way to define them. People can have one dominant style, or any combination of strengths.

Your style of learning determines how you see the world, to a certain degree. It also determines what kind of things you enjoy doing for fun.

Within any given household, chances are each member has a style all his or her own. So, how can you adapt your family experiences to suit the needs of everyone?

1. Find out what makes each member tick. Try an online learning styles quiz, or simply ask each other questions so you can discover how your family learns best.
2. Rotate family activities based on preferences. One weekend might be sports in the park; the next might be a film at the movie theatre. Give each family member a day to choose an activity, and make sure everyone participates each week.
3. Consider sensitivities. Maybe one of your children is particularly athletic, and another is quietly artistic. Perhaps you’re the logical type, and your partner is creative. Whatever the mix in your household, be sure to show sensitivity toward others who have different strengths. No one style is better than another.
4. Respectfully drag one another out of comfort zones. With the right support, your family members will learn to push their boundaries and be able to enjoy different activities. The key is not to force, but to encourage.
5. Consider effects of learning styles. One of your children might receive high grades in academic subjects (math, English, languages), and lower grades in practical subjects (physical education, health, social skills). Or, the opposite could be true. Remember, no one is good at everything, but everyone is good at something.

We’re not all the same. We don’t learn the same ways, and we don’t all enjoy the same activities. But, within the context of love and support, we can learn to respect others’ styles and strengths, and perhaps even expand our own horizons.